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Some people think that children should obey rules or do what their parents and teachers want them to do. Other people think that children controlled too much cannot deal with problems themselves in adulthood. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that children should obey rules or do what their parents and teachers want them to do. Other people think that children controlled too much cannot deal with problems themselves in adulthood. v. 1
Young children are beginners. They have lots to learn and one of the biggest lessons they must learn Young children are beginners. They have lots to learn and one of the biggest lessons they must learn is how to behave or act in an acceptable manner. So, they need rules. When young children have rules, they know what is expected of them. However, the extent to which children have to follow rules is a very sensitive issue. In this essay I shall discuss the benefits of imposing rules on children and the negative consequences of having too much restriction. Firstly, rules of behaviour create responsible and respectful children who in turn mature into respectful adults. They know the value of respect for elders. They know the importance of relationships. They know about their cultural values as well. This forms a stable society, which is virtually free from vices such as prostitution and drug abuse. It would be wrong to say that having rules mars the problem solving ability of children. They, in fact, face difficulties in a more mature and disciplined way. They are not lured by peer pressure and refrain from acting on impulse. However, if too strict rules are imposed on children then they may become rebels. They may start doing just the opposite of what is told them to do. What is more, they may show abnormal behaviour. They may fall into bad company or resort to drugs because of frustration. Finally, imposing too strict rules destroys the individuality of children. They may withdraw into a shell. This may suppress their creativity and as a consequence, they may not be able to deal with problems well by themselves. What is important is that parents and teachers should learn where rules are needed and where it is necessary to give room to the children. Having absolutely no rules and letting children do whatever they wish to do would also be wrong. They are not mature enough to solve all problems and they have to be taught their limits. To conclude, parents and teachers should impose rules on children but they should know where to draw the line. They should be flexible and modify the rules according to the circumstances.
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are beginners. They have lots to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
and one of the biggest lessons they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are beginners. They have lots to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
and one of the biggest lessons they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
is how to behave or act
Consider replacing "in an acceptable manner" with the adverb for "acceptable"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an acceptable manner
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
. When young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
of them.
However
, the extent to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
sensitive issue. In this essay I shall discuss the benefits of imposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of having too much restriction.

Firstly
,
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rules
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
create responsible and respectful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who in turn mature into respectful adults. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
the value of respect for elders. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
the importance of relationships.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about their cultural values
as well
. This forms a stable society, which is
virtually
free from vices such as prostitution and drug abuse. It would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to say that having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
The planet and the god are written with uppercase. 'mars' refers to the verb 'mar' meaning to spoil, or the plural of the noun 'mar' meaning blemishes.
mars
the problem solving ability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They, in fact, face difficulties in a more mature and disciplined way. They are not lured by peer pressure and refrain from acting on impulse.

However
, if too strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
are imposed
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
then they may become rebels. They may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the opposite of what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
them to do.
What is more
, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
abnormal
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. They may fall into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or resort to drugs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of frustration.
Finally
, imposing too strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
the individuality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They may withdraw into a shell. This may suppress their creativity and as a consequence, they may not be able to deal with problems well by themselves.

What is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is that parents and teachers should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
are needed
and where it is necessary to give room to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Having
absolutely
no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and letting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do whatever they wish to do would
also
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. They are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to solve all
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
problems and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be taught
their limits.

To conclude
, parents and teachers should impose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
where to draw the line. They should be flexible and modify the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
according to the circumstances.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children should obey rules or do what their parents and teachers want them to do. Other people think that children controlled too much cannot deal with problems themselves in adulthood. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
371 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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