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Nowadays people research their family history, some people say this is useless and we should instead focus on present and future generations. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

Nowadays people research their family history, some people say this is useless and we should instead focus on present and future generations. v. 1
There is an argument about the using of computers on a daily basis, some people think that, it is harmful for youths, but others think that, teenagers will be more benefited. In fact, I totally agree with the second opinion, because using computers have some advantages more than its disadvantages. Firstly, young people use laptops and desktops to communicate with others at different country, which is one of the benefits. Consequently, their communication skills will increase because of speaking and chatting every day. For example, when a child speaks a lot with somebody else rather than his family, he will be able to communicate and negotiate with anybody without hesitation, and that will have a good impact on him which make him brave. Moreover, the second important advantage is learning. There is a huge number of online courses in many fields like, learning a new language, which will affect positively on the future job of the young people, because being bilingual will increase the chance to work abroad in a multinational company and without doubt with high salary. Also, they can gain more skills. For instance, they can learn the selling skills through watching online videos and searching the websites about this topic. However, Why do the parents prevent their children to utilize the technology? To sum up, even there are some bad thoughts about using the computers regularly, but it is still beneficiary of the users, especially, the young one because their ability to learn and digest new skills still higher than the adults.
There is an argument about the using of computers on a daily basis,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, it is harmful for youths,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
will be more benefited. In fact, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the second opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
using computers have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages more than its disadvantages.

Firstly
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
laptops and desktops to communicate with others at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
country, which is one of the benefits.
Consequently
, their communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
will increase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of speaking and chatting every day.
For example
, when a child speaks a lot with somebody else
rather
than his family, he will be able to communicate and negotiate with anybody without hesitation, and that will have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impact on him which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him brave.

Moreover
, the second
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
advantage is learning. There is a huge number of online courses in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields like, learning a new language, which will affect
positively
on the future job of the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
being bilingual will increase the chance to work abroad in a multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and without doubt with high salary.
Also
, they can gain more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
For instance
, they can learn the selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
through watching online videos and searching the websites about this topic.
However
, Why do the parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
their children to utilize the technology?

To sum up, even there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
thoughts about using the computers
regularly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
still
beneficiary of the users,
especially
, the young one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their ability to learn and digest new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
still
higher than the adults.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Nowadays people research their family history, some people say this is useless and we should instead focus on present and future generations. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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