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One of the best methods to motivate and encourage workers is to pay them according to what they produce or sell. Do you think this is the best method? Give relevant examples from your experience. v.3

One of the best methods to motivate and encourage workers is to pay them according to what they produce or sell. Do you think this is the best method? Give relevant examples from your experience. v. 3
Nowadays, it is often to see people marrying in their thirties or forties. However, some people argue that getting married before the age of 30 provides more personal and social benefits. I completely disagree with this view as this can not only increase the rate of divorce but also put a financial burden on young people. Firstly, people who rush to get married at early ages tend to have a high probability of getting divorced. This is because at this tender age people are usually not mature enough to deal with the responsibilities, which often leads to misunderstandings and conflicts. As a consequence, many social and personal problems arise, which sometimes urge people to commit unethical actions. To exemplify, according to a survey by the 'Family and Health' magazine, the ratio of couples divorced at the age of twenties is twice more than the ones hooked up in their thirties. Secondly, my viewpoint is further bolstered by the fact that getting married at a young age can lead to serious financial problems. The reason for this is that many youngsters do not hold a lucrative job at an early age and, it is most likely possible that they may not have enough savings to fulfil the needs of the family. As a result, they often take loans from banks to support their families. For instance, a report from the Reserve Bank of India states that 40% of the family loans are acquired by young people. Admittedly, conceiving at a young age is better for women to avoid medical complications. In my view, with the advancements of science and technology, there is a strong possibility for women in their thirties to deliver babies safely. In conclusion, although marrying at a young age is beneficial for starting parenthood, in my perspective, this trend leads to personal, social and financial problems.
Nowadays, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
marrying in their thirties or forties.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that getting married
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 30 provides more personal and social benefits. I completely disagree with this view as this can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increase the rate of divorce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
put a financial burden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who rush to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married at early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
tend to have a high probability of getting divorced. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
at this tender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
usually
not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to deal with the responsibilities, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leads to misunderstandings and conflicts. As a consequence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social and personal problems arise, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
urge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to commit unethical actions. To exemplify, according to a survey by the 'Family and Health' magazine, the ratio of couples divorced at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of twenties is twice more than the ones hooked up in their thirties.

Secondly
, my viewpoint is
further
bolstered by the fact that getting married at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
can lead to serious financial problems.
The reason for this is
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters do not hold a lucrative job at an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and, it is most likely possible that they may not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
savings to fulfil the needs of the family.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
take loans from banks to support their families.
For instance
, a report from the Reserve Bank of India states that 40% of the family loans
are acquired
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Admittedly
, conceiving at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is better for women to avoid medical complications. In my view, with the advancements of science and technology, there is a strong possibility for women in their thirties to deliver babies
safely
.

In conclusion
, although marrying at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is beneficial for starting parenthood, in my perspective, this trend leads to personal, social and financial problems.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay One of the best methods to motivate and encourage workers is to pay them according to what they produce or sell. Do you think this is the best method? Give relevant examples from your experience. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
308 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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