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Nowadays people research their family history, some people say this is useless and we should instead focus on present and future generations. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.2

Nowadays people research their family history, some people say this is useless and we should instead focus on present and future generations. v. 2
A curiosity about one’s past is always been people’s gene. While the family history can tell useful information about the medical conditions or habitual effects, current and future circumstances are more important than the past, because the current situation is different from the past to be based on. While I understand that presents are more important because historical gene issues can be prevented and cured by regular check up by modern technologies, the history of family tells necessary information about the critical conditions or specific behaviours that people may not aware about. So, people can make adjustment in their behavioural acts in this present phenomenon which could affect the future. To know about the past is from genetic curiosity. Even children get curios about their ancestors. From the past history of one’s family, can acknowledge about the family tradition as well as other important medical conditions. For example, Angelina Jolie found out about breast cancer that causing her grandmother to death, so she frequently check her health to prevent of potential cancer. If people did not know about the family history, they may not be able to prevent the historical diseases. Therefore, knowing about the family history is necessary because anyone can prevent potential diseases which were occurred within the family. In contrast, many people would not care about the family history, because current and future circumstances are more important than the past. Since the society has changed into information age, people can gather all the information from just a click. This is different from the ancestor’s generation, because the new diseases are created or new issues are occurred every day. For instance, MERS, ZIKA and SARS are the new diseases that had not been occurred in the past history but in this 21st century and which cure and symptoms were more important than knowing of family histories. As a result of this, people are concentrating more with the current situation than the past. Even though I understand the current situations are important because this can affect the lifestyles in the future, knowing about the past seems also vital. From the medical conditions, habitual cycles and the specific characteristics can be stuck with DNAs. Once people aware of the information, they can make amendment when they make a decision in a life. For instance, Bill Gates’ family were suffered from poor for a long period which were due to laziness, so he decided to become a rich by not being lazy and always trying to work for every minute. If he was unaware of the family history and family characteristics, he would never be able to realise his potentials which were hidden inside of his DNAs. Thus, I believe that knowing of family history is necessary in order to acknowledge of one’s full information. In conclusion, currently we are facing different issues which have not been dealt in the past. Thus, knowing about the current and future seems important. However, acknowledge of the past is more important because one’s family history contains the full information about one’s self without taking a time to analyse in every aspects. This information can be useful to make a decision or to live in a lifestyle because people can change their behaviours by acknowledging the information and which can affect the foreseeable circumstances.
A curiosity about one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
is always been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
gene. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about the medical conditions or habitual effects,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
circumstances are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
situation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
to
be based
on. While I understand that presents are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
historical gene issues can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
and cured by regular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
up by modern technologies, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about the critical conditions or specific
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may not aware about.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
adjustment in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
acts in this present phenomenon which could affect the future.

To know about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
is from genetic curiosity. Even children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
curios about their ancestors. From the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, can acknowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
tradition
as well
as other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
medical conditions.
For example
, Angelina Jolie found out about breast cancer that causing her grandmother to death,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
she
frequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
her health to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
of potential cancer. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
did not know about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, they may not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowing
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is necessary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
anyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
which
were occurred
within the family.

In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would not care about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
circumstances are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. Since the society has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can gather all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a click. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from the ancestor’s generation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are created
or new issues
are occurred
every day.
For instance
, MERS, ZIKA and SARS are the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
that had not
been occurred
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in this 21st century and which cure and symptoms were more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowing
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
histories
.
As a result
of this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are concentrating more with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
situation than the past.

Even though
I understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
situations are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this can affect the lifestyles in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowing
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
seems
also
vital. From the medical conditions, habitual cycles and the specific characteristics can
be stuck
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
DNAs
. Once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aware of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
amendment when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a decision in a life.
For instance
, Bill Gates’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
were suffered
from poor for a long period which were due to laziness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he decided to become a rich by not being lazy and always trying to work for every minute. If he was unaware of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
characteristics, he would never be able to
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
his potentials which
were hidden
inside of his
Possible spelling mistake found.
DNAs
.
Thus
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowing
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is necessary in order to acknowledge of one’s full information.

In conclusion
,
currently
we are facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
issues which have not
been dealt
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowing
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
seems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
.
However
, acknowledge of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
contains the full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about one’s self without taking a time to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "aspect"?
aspects
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
can be useful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a decision or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a lifestyle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
by acknowledging the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and which can affect the foreseeable circumstances.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
82Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Nowadays people research their family history, some people say this is useless and we should instead focus on present and future generations. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
549 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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