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A large number of private cars on the roads in many parts of the world has led to serious problems of pollution and may contribute to global warming. Some people think that governments should spend more money for the development of public transportation s v.1

A large number of private cars on the roads in many parts of the world has led to serious problems of pollution and may contribute to global warming. Some people think that governments should spend more money for the development of public transportation s v. 1
These days, many organizations are sponsoring sports as a mode of presenting themselves to people. Although some individuals propound that it has demerits, others opine that it is a good thing. This essay will discuss and delve into both the views in the ensuing paragraphs and an opinion will be made in the end. To start with, it is considered by many that excessive involvement of companies will result in commercialization of the sport. That is to say, companies will look into their business profits and they often tend to tweak the format of the game to meet their commercial requirements. Consequently, these sports will turn into a profit making business for firms rather than sticking to its authenticity. For instance, a report by Sports centre unearthed a fact that in 2011 organizers of Tokyo annual soccer competition had to add a couple of additional breaks in the game just to satisfy the marketing purpose of sponsors. Conversely, despite a few shortcomings that are concerned around companies marketing strategies, their investment in promoting the individual sports and events has been proven to be extremely beneficial. In other words, these sponsorships which are helpful for sports personnel economically to equip themselves with better gear and for maintaining a strict food habits, which are extremely expensive. Apparently, if these companies hadn't sponsored the sports, we would not have seen many highly talented athletes. For example, A recent study conducted at an Australian sport university stated that athletes who are receiving sponsorship are performing well in sports when compared to the ones that doesn't get sponsored. In conclusion, I am convinced that sponsorships provided by the companies have always given fruitful results more often than not, even though few argue that it is just a method of corporations to advertise themselves.
These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
organizations are sponsoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as a mode of presenting themselves to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals propound that it has demerits, others opine that it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing. This essay will discuss and delve into both the views in the ensuing paragraphs and an opinion will
be made
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, it
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that excessive involvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
will result in commercialization of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
That is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
will look into their business
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
profits and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
tend to tweak the format of the game to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their commercial requirements.
Consequently
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
will turn into a profit making business for firms
rather
than sticking to its authenticity.
For instance
, a report by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
unearthed a fact that in 2011 organizers of Tokyo annual soccer competition had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
a couple of additional breaks in the game
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to satisfy the marketing purpose of sponsors.

Conversely
, despite a few shortcomings that
are concerned
around
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
marketing strategies, their investment in promoting the individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
has
been proven
to be
extremely
beneficial.
In other words
, these sponsorships which are helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
personnel
economically
to equip themselves with better gear and for maintaining a strict food habits, which are
extremely
expensive.
Apparently
, if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
hadn't sponsored the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, we would not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
highly
talented athletes.
For example
, A recent study conducted at an Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
university stated that athletes who are receiving sponsorship are performing well in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
when compared to the ones that doesn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sponsored.

In conclusion
, I
am convinced
that sponsorships provided by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
fruitful results more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than not,
even though
few argue that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a method of corporations to advertise themselves.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay A large number of private cars on the roads in many parts of the world has led to serious problems of pollution and may contribute to global warming. Some people think that governments should spend more money for the development of public transportation s v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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