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Nowadays, people can buy a large variety of household goods, more than ever before in most countries in the world. Is this a good or bad development? Give your opinion and examples v.2

Nowadays, people can buy a large variety of household goods, more than ever before in most countries in the world. Is this a good or bad development? Give your opinion and examples v. 2
Recently, myriad of people have become obsessed with purchasing varied kinds of domestics goods more than before in many countries around the world. In my opinion, this is a negative development because it can give rise to environmental pollution, seduce people to utilize manufacturing food rather than wholesome food, and devastate the farming lands. This essay would aim at elucidating the aforementioned notions in the subsequent paragraphs. To commence with, in the past few decades, people tend to buy a lot of products to satisfy their needs, which leads to detrimental effects on the environment. To point out this idea, those people perhaps consume a colossal amount of outputs that have been bought from the markets. As a result, environmental pollution can be expanded because of dumping wastes of humans products that cause water pollution. Thus, water creatures can be damaged due to eating these wastes. Additionally, many people burn their wastes to get rid of surplus food; therefore, air pollution and global warming can be exacerbated. This is due to the gases that, emit of the burning products and trapped in the atmosphere, lead to global warming and can damage the earth. Secondly, this attitude of purchasing goods not only can promote addicting engineering food rather than the healthy one but also it may afflict farming and plantation. To illustrate, when people always go to buy their monthly household products, they sometimes rely on junk food that might afflict negatively their health. On the other hand, this trend can exhaust the farming lands due to the vast consuming of the products. For instance, in Egypt, rice is categorically consumed, which depletes the grounds by ploughing them more than one time. To conclude, a multitude of people become fascinated to spend a lot of money on household needs more than in the past which this movement affects their life. It can devastate the environment throughout, causing air and water pollution and pay attention to the using of junk food that harms their fitness.
Recently, myriad of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become obsessed with purchasing varied kinds of domestics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries around the world. In my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can give rise to environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
, seduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to utilize manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
rather
than wholesome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, and devastate the farming lands. This essay would aim at elucidating the aforementioned notions in the subsequent paragraphs.

To commence with, in the past few decades,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to satisfy their needs, which leads to detrimental effects on the environment. To point out this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
perhaps consume a colossal amount of outputs that have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
from the markets.
As a result
, environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
can
be expanded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of dumping wastes of humans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that cause water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
.
Thus
, water creatures can
be damaged
due to eating these wastes.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
burn their wastes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of surplus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
;
therefore
, air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
and global warming can
be exacerbated
. This is due to the gases that, emit of the burning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and trapped in the atmosphere, lead to global warming and can damage the earth.

Secondly
, this attitude of purchasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can promote addicting engineering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
rather
than the healthy one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it may afflict farming and plantation. To illustrate, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always go to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their monthly household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
rely on junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that might afflict
negatively
their health.
On the other hand
, this trend can exhaust the farming lands due to the vast consuming of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
For instance
, in Egypt, rice is
categorically
consumed, which depletes the grounds by
Possible spelling mistake found.
ploughing
them more than one time.

To conclude
, a multitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become fascinated to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money on household needs more than in the past which this movement affects their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
. It can devastate the environment throughout, causing air and water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
and pay attention to the using of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that harms their fitness.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, people can buy a large variety of household goods, more than ever before in most countries in the world. Is this a good or bad development? Give your opinion and examples v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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