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Nowadays people are spending more time in workplace and staying away from home for work. Discuss its advantages and disadvantages with your own experiences. v.6

Nowadays people are spending more time in workplace and staying away from home for work. Discuss its advantages and disadvantages with your own experiences. v. 6
Working overtime or staying away from home for work is a common observation these days. It is argued that many individuals are spending a major part of their day in office and are living at a distance from their houses due to their job. This essay will discuss its benefits like faster professional growth and its drawbacks such as poor health. Shifting away from home and staying after office hours to complete targets has its own advantages like, climbing the ladder of success quickly. Since, the dedication at work is more, the rate of promotion is fast. In addition, there will be higher financial improvement as well. For instance, any boss would prefer to promote an employee who works for more time compared to his fellow leaving earlier. Thus, working overtime does ensure faster professional growth. Despite all the advantages, the biggest negative is impacting on health. As one is busy working, they get tired at the end of the day to engage in any form of recreational activities or spend quality time with family. This will eventually lead to poor state of body. For example, a majority of the working class crowd is observed to have lifestyle disorders like obesity and depression due to poor work life balance. Hence, the deteriorating health and no personal growth are the major disadvantages. In conclusion, these days, many people are spending more hours at the workplace and moving away from home for jobs. This essay discussed the significant benefits are fast, professional and financial success, while the drawbacks are that it affects the health in a negative way.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
overtime or staying away from home for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is a common observation these days. It
is argued
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals are spending a major part of their day in office and are living at a distance from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
due to their job. This essay will discuss its benefits like faster professional growth and its drawbacks such as poor health.

Shifting away from home and staying after office hours to complete targets has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages like, climbing the ladder of success
quickly
. Since, the dedication at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is more, the rate of promotion is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.
In addition
, there will be higher financial improvement
as well
.
For instance
, any boss would prefer to promote an employee who works for more time compared to his fellow leaving earlier.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
overtime does ensure faster professional growth.

Despite all the advantages, the biggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
is impacting on health. As one is busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tired at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day to engage in any form of recreational activities or spend quality time with family. This will
eventually
lead to poor state of body.
For example
, a majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
crowd
is observed
to have lifestyle disorders like obesity and depression due to poor
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance.
Hence
, the deteriorating health and no personal growth are the major disadvantages.

In conclusion
, these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are spending more hours at the workplace and moving away from home for jobs. This essay discussed the significant benefits are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
, professional and financial success, while the drawbacks are that it affects the health in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay Nowadays people are spending more time in workplace and staying away from home for work. Discuss its advantages and disadvantages with your own experiences. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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