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Nowadays, people are spending more time away from their homes because they spend longer in their workplace. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. v.7

Nowadays, people are spending more time away from their homes because they spend longer in their workplace. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. v. 7
It has been seen that people become more workaholic and prefer to spend a longer time in office rather than at home. It is mainly due to the desire to uplift their standard of living. This essay will discuss both two sides of the issue. In the recent scenario, the competition among Youngers to obtain success in their life is at a high rate. Everyone is in the race of looking for a better life than others. Therefore, working for longer hours help workers earn more extra money. Moreover, when an employee works with his energy and high concentration, then it not only enhance his productivity and have a chance of promotions but also raises profits for the company. It is a win-win situation for employees as well as the company. According to research, Japan has a high percentage of workers who spend most of their time in the workplace. This is largely contributed to Japanese businesses as well as country development. However, there are some drawbacks of spending too many hours at work that cannot deny. First, it influences people’s relationship, especially family connections. When parents spend most of their time in the office, they do not have enough space to play with their children. Without parents’ caring, some kids would have a sense of abundance which causing them the misleading in their life. Second, people who challenge a heavy workload in a long time at work would suffer from health problems such as obesity, heart attack, and high sugar blood pressure. It reduces their quality of life and shortens their life expectancy. In conclusion, it is no doubt that overtime working gives a chance to get more money and experience, but people should consider that does not impact their limitations. Individuals must know how to keep a balance between professional and personal commitments.
It has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more workaholic and prefer to spend a longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in office
rather
than at home. It is
mainly
due to the desire to uplift their standard of living. This essay will discuss both two sides of the issue.

In the recent scenario, the competition among
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youngers
to obtain success in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
rate. Everyone is in the race of looking for a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
than others.
Therefore
, working for longer hours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
workers earn more extra money.
Moreover
, when an employee works with his energy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
concentration, then it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enhance his productivity and have a chance of promotions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
raises profits for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. It is a win-win situation for employees
as well
as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. According to research, Japan has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
percentage of workers who spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the workplace. This is
largely
contributed to Japanese businesses
as well
as country development.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of spending too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours at work that cannot deny.
First
, it influences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
relationship,
especially
family connections. When parents spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the office, they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
space to play with their children. Without parents’ caring,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kids would have a sense of abundance which causing them the misleading in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who challenge a heavy workload in a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at work would suffer from health problems such as obesity, heart attack, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
sugar blood pressure. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
their quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and shortens their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy.

In conclusion
, it is no doubt that overtime working gives a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more money and experience,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should consider that does not impact their limitations. Individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a balance between professional and personal commitments.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, people are spending more time away from their homes because they spend longer in their workplace. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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