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Nowadays, people are spending more time away from their homes because they spend longer in their workplace. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. v.5

Nowadays, people are spending more time away from their homes because they spend longer in their workplace. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. v. 5
In the era of modernization, people’s lives have become more and more mechanised. Therefore, some people are spending a higher amount of time at the office rather than home. This essay will explain the benefits of spending a long time at the office such as promotion and financial growth, and drawbacks including relationship issues and health complications. To begin with, one of the primary advantages of spending longer hours in the workplace is professional development. If a person is working on a satisfying job, he will not concern of time constrain, instead, he will be focusing on career growth and desire designation. An eminent entrepreneur, for instance, Mr. Elon Musk, had worked more than 80 hours a week in PayPal when he became a partner of the PayPal foundation. Besides this, prolonged working hours can bring handsome remuneration. Irrefutably, employers keen on providing benefits for potential managers who demonstrate their loyalty and hard work; therefore, in order to show their aptitudes and qualities a few individuals tend to spend an extended time for the organization. However, there are numerous demerits also should be taken into account. Firstly, people who work over-time at the office are prone to have relationship issues. A study at Berlin University in England, found that more than two-quarter of people are getting divorced due to the limited amount of time they allocated to their family. Furthermore, evidently, numerous health issues are associated with a long working hours. Maladies like obesity, cardiovascular and poor eyesight are common problems that employees encounter if their work duration is prolonged to an extent. Thus, it does signify the imperative role that time plays in one’s life. In conclusion, this essay discussed the upsides of a long working hours such as higher designations and wealthiness, and downsides including family and health issues. It is predicted that the government will implement regulations for companies to follow regular working hours.
In the era of modernization,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
have become more and more
Possible spelling mistake. 'mechanised' is British English.
mechanised
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are spending a higher amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at the office
rather
than home. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the benefits of spending a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at the office such as promotion and financial growth, and drawbacks including relationship
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
and health complications.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the primary advantages of spending longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in the workplace is professional development. If a person is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
on a satisfying job, he will not concern of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
constrain,
instead
, he will be focusing on career growth and desire designation. An eminent entrepreneur,
for instance
, Mr. Elon Musk, had worked more than 80
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a week in PayPal when he became a partner of the PayPal foundation.
Besides
this, prolonged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
can bring handsome remuneration.
Irrefutably
, employers keen on providing benefits for potential managers who demonstrate their loyalty and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work;
therefore
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their aptitudes and qualities a few individuals tend to spend an extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for the organization.

However
, there are numerous demerits
also
should
be taken
into account.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who work over-time at the office are prone to have relationship
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
. A study at Berlin University in England, found that more than two-quarter of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting divorced due to the limited amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they allocated to their family.
Furthermore
,
evidently
, numerous health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
are associated
with a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "hour"?
hours
. Maladies like obesity, cardiovascular and poor eyesight are common problems that employees encounter if their work duration
is prolonged
to an extent.
Thus
, it does signify the imperative role that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
plays in one’s life.

In conclusion
, this essay discussed the upsides of a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "hour"?
hours
such as higher designations and wealthiness, and downsides including family and health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
. It
is predicted
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will implement regulations for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to follow regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, people are spending more time away from their homes because they spend longer in their workplace. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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