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Nowadays, people are spending more time away from their homes because they spend longer in their workplace. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. v.4

Nowadays, people are spending more time away from their homes because they spend longer in their workplace. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. v. 4
These days, many people strive to work more than normal hours. This trend brings both positive and negative consequences for individuals. People who tend to spend more hours at their working places find it rewarding for several reasons. The first reason why some people work more than others is that they want to achieve more. They feel competition in their work and this makes them work more. Another reason is that extended working hours could be beneficial in a financial term and can lead to promotion. Employers are usually willing to pay more a worker who wants to go beyond a normal working day. This can also refer to a job ladder. On the other hand, working more than normal hours can lead to some negative aspects. With more work, people usually get more stress. They do not always manage time properly and have less time to relax, which consequently can be damaging to health. For example, when I was promoted several years ago I tried to show my dedication to the company working long hours, even on weekends. As a result of constant work after a few months later, I started noticing sleep impairment and other health disorders. In addition, people spend less time with their families which can be detrimental to family relationships. In conclusion, spending longer hours can be beneficial it terms as career development and getting additional income, however, it can also lead to deterioration of health and family relationships. These damaging consequences can be avoided with the properly managed time and relaxation.
These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
strive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more than normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. This trend brings both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences for individuals.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who tend to spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
places find it rewarding for several reasons. The
first
reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more than others is that they want to achieve more. They feel competition in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more. Another reason is that extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
could be beneficial in a financial term and can lead to promotion. Employers are
usually
willing to pay more a worker who wants to go beyond a normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
day. This can
also
refer to a job ladder.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
more than normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects. With more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. They do not always manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
properly
and have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax, which
consequently
can be damaging to health.
For example
, when I
was promoted
several years ago I tried to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
my dedication to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, even on weekends.
As a result
of constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after a few months later, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
noticing sleep impairment and other health disorders.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their families which can be detrimental to family relationships.

In conclusion
, spending longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
can be beneficial it terms as career development and getting additional income,
however
, it can
also
lead to deterioration of health and family relationships. These damaging consequences can
be avoided
with the
properly
managed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and relaxation.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Nowadays, people are spending more time away from their homes because they spend longer in their workplace. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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