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Nowadays, people are spending more time away from their homes because they spend longer in their workplace. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. v.6

Nowadays, people are spending more time away from their homes because they spend longer in their workplace. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. v. 6
The new trend of people considering their work-life over their families has created a significant concern as unbalanced work and family life has become a prominent reason for a family disruption. This essay intends to discuss some pros and cons of time allocations for family and work. The reason for increased hours of working varies from people to people. Firstly, people who are employed in labour jobs, work for more than one job or work overtime to pay their bills as the basic wage with a designated amount of time will not help them cure their expenses. For instance, people earning $14/hour working 40 hours a week will hardly be able to pay for their bills and their children’s education. Secondly, people with great salary jobs are prone to earn more and more money to feed their hunger for buying expensive things such as cars, houses, and jewellery. Finally, some people prefer to stay at work for prolonged hours to avoid family issues and maintain their peace of mind. In contrast, the hunger for money has become a prominent cause of family disruption as more and more families are getting dismantled because of not getting enough time for healing their relations. For instance, a salesperson usually stays out of home for a prolonged period that even the money cannot soar the relations between the person and family. Although the monetary crisis can be avoided by working more hours, if the family would not be there to spend with, it is fruitless. To conclude, increased working hours have their advantages and disadvantages, however, the balance between work and family can be more beneficial in the long run.
The new trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
considering their work-life over their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
has created a significant concern as unbalanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life has become a prominent reason for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
disruption. This essay intends to discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pros and cons of time allocations for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and work.

The reason for increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
varies from
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people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
,
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people
who
are employed
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
jobs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for more than one job or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
overtime to pay their bills as the basic wage with a designated amount of time will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them cure their expenses.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
earning $14/hour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a week will hardly be able to pay for their bills and their children’s education.
Secondly
,
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people
with great salary jobs are prone to earn more and more money to feed their hunger for buying expensive things such as cars,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, and
Possible spelling mistake. 'jewellery' is British English.
jewellery
.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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people
prefer to stay at
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work
for prolonged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
to avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
issues and maintain their peace of mind.

In contrast
, the hunger for money has become a prominent cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
disruption as more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are getting dismantled
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of not getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for healing their relations.
For instance
, a salesperson
usually
stays out of home for a prolonged period that even the money cannot soar the relations between the person and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Although the monetary crisis can
be avoided
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
would not be there to spend with, it is fruitless.

To conclude
, increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
have their advantages and disadvantages,
however
, the balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can be more beneficial in the long run.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, people are spending more time away from their homes because they spend longer in their workplace. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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