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Nowadays, people are not as fit and active as they used to be in the past which creates health issues in the long-run. Why do you think this is? What measures can be taken to solve this problem? v.1

Nowadays, people are not as fit and active as they used to be in the past which creates health issues in the long-run. Why do you think this is? What measures can be taken to solve this problem? v. 1
It is true that people these days are less healthy as compared to the past, which will surely create health issues in the future. I believe this trend is mainly due to better transport facilities and the culture of free home delivery. However, there are measures that can be taken to resolve the issue of fitness. The first factor to blame for the current less active lifestyle of individuals is transportation aggregators. Transit aggregators such as Uber and Careem are available in every major city in the world. They are just a click away to schedule a drive and the pick a person right from their doorsteps to drop then to the entrance of their destination. As a result, people hardly put effort to reach the nearest public transport or a taxi stand. This problem can be addressed by encouraging individuals to make use of public transportation services like the trains and buses. Normally, to access a public transport, many people would be required to walk at least 10 to 15 minutes, and doing this at least 5 days a week will certainly improve their stamina. Another major factor giving rise to an unhealthy lifestyle is the culture of online shopping. In the past individuals had to go out to their homes to purchase their necessities. With the advent of technologies like the Internet and smart phones, everything can be ordered online and delivered at home or office for free. Consequently, many people do not go out to homes even to purchase groceries. This problem can be tackled by involving the local government. Governments should pass a law to go away with free online delivery options and ask customers to pay for deliveries. As a result, individuals will think twice before placing orders online and they will be forced to go out of their homes to make their purchases. In conclusion, transportation aggregators and easy online shopping availability of free delivery both lead people to live a lazy lifestyle. Only when people take the public transportation and overcome their obsession with online shopping, will their fitness level increase.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days are less healthy as compared to the past, which will
surely
create health issues in the future. I believe this trend is
mainly
due to better transport facilities and the culture of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
delivery
.
However
, there are measures that can
be taken
to resolve the issue of fitness.

The
first
factor to blame for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
less active lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
aggregators. Transit aggregators such as Uber and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Careem
are available in every major city in the world. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a click away to schedule a drive and the pick a person right from their doorsteps to drop then to the entrance of their destination.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hardly put effort to reach the nearest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport or a taxi stand. This problem can
be addressed
by encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
services like the trains and buses.
Normally
, to access a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
be required
to walk at least 10 to 15 minutes, and doing this at least 5 days a week will
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their stamina.

Another major factor giving rise to an unhealthy lifestyle is the culture of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping. In the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
had to go out to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
their necessities. With the advent of technologies like the Internet and smart phones, everything can
be ordered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and delivered at home or office for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not go out to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
even to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
groceries. This problem can
be tackled
by involving the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should pass a law to go away with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
delivery
options and ask customers to pay for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deliveries
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
placing orders
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
online and
they will
be forced
to go out of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
aggregators and easy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
delivery
both lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a lazy lifestyle.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
and overcome their obsession with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping, will their fitness level increase.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, people are not as fit and active as they used to be in the past which creates health issues in the long-run. Why do you think this is? What measures can be taken to solve this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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