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Studies have suggested that nowadays children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons and what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time on active v.3

Studies have suggested that nowadays children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons and what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time on active v. 3
Some researches show that today children spend more time on watching TV than they did previously, and the time spent for active or creative activities becomes fewer. There are several reasons for this situation, and it could be addressed by some definite actions. Reasons for mentioned situation are various. The first reason is that nowadays both parents often work, they do not have time for their children. Then, they enhance children to do whatever activities that do not require so much attention or do not dangerously such as watching television. The second reason is that the programs on TV attract children by vivid contents or even addictive contents. Cartoon Network channel is an example, it has many serial cartoon movies played all day; therefore children just open TV and watch their favorite scenes. These two reasons lead children to spend more time in front of TV screen, and this sedentary lifestyle prevents them from involving physical & creative activities. However, there are at least two actions could tackle this issue. Firstly, children should be limited the watching time by activating timing control on the TV controller. This might help children to participate other activities like painting or kung-fu courses. Secondly, parents should save their time for taking care their children. By doing homeworks together with their children or go out for outside activities, they could bring an active lifestyle to their offspring. These solutions enable children to quit their watching TV habit and to become more active and creation. In conclusion, there are various reasons why children watch TV too much as spend little time on active and create activities. But, this negative status could be tackled by set of appropriate actions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
researches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on watching TV than they did previously, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
or creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
becomes fewer. There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for this situation, and it could
be addressed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
actions.

Reasons for mentioned situation are various. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that nowadays both parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
work, they do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Then, they enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do whatever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that do not require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much attention or do not
dangerously
such as watching television. The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that the programs on TV attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by vivid contents or even addictive contents. Cartoon Network channel is an example, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
serial cartoon movies played all day;
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
open TV and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
their favorite scenes. These two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of TV screen, and this sedentary lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
them from involving physical
Possible spelling mistake found.
&amp
; creative activities.

However
, there are at least two actions could tackle this issue.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be limited
the watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by activating timing control on the TV controller. This might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to participate other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like painting or
Possible spelling mistake found.
kung-fu
courses.
Secondly
, parents should save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for taking care their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. By doing
Possible spelling mistake found.
homeworks
together with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or go out for outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, they could bring an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
lifestyle to their offspring. These solutions enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to quit their watching TV habit and to become more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
and creation.

In conclusion
, there are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV too much as spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
and create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
status could
be tackled
by set of appropriate actions.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Studies have suggested that nowadays children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons and what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time on active v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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