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Nowadays people are living longer and some believe that this can contribute to people s development What are the causes of this change Is it a positive or negative phenomenon v.2

Nowadays people are living longer and some believe that this can contribute to people s development What are the causes of this change Is it a positive or negative phenomenon v. 2
These days, people are enjoying longer life with the help of education and in medical advancement. People are developing quickly with the unlimited resources available to help in this terms. In this essay, I would like to further discuss into the reasons of this change and I certainly accord that this is a positive development for our community. There are manifold points that contributed to the secret of living longer due to people' s development. First and foremost, education is the main contribution factor. Our society has been focusing on the importance of education as this teaches and nurture us regarding the way of healthy living. For instance, schools has been emphasizing on balanced diet intake in canteens to encourage children to consume more fruit and vegetables. With the understanding of basic dietary nutrition intake, community member gain benefit by being able to live a longer life with balanced lifestyle. Secondly, medical and technology advancement also inculcate in longer lifespan of human as vaccines are developed to cure ailments. For example, in ancient times, polio disease were thought to be incurable and deadly. However, with the help of medical research and technology, polio vaccine were developed in 1980s and were able to cure many that was infected. This is certainly a positive situation for us as the combination of education, medical and technology has been fruitful to our community. Elderly were able to enjoy longer life and witness the birth of their next generation. In current society, many refer their elderly as the golden generation as they will be able to educate their future generation with their lifetime experiences. History is a very important lesson in life that teaches us to make wise decisions. Furthermore, with the development of medical sectors, juveniles who are sick from health ailments have higher chances to recover and live to the see wonders of the world. For example, unlucky newborns with heart diseases can undergo heart surgery to recover which cannot be done in ancient times due to lack of understanding in medical development. In conclusion, living longer can indubitably contributes to people' s development. With the society emphasism in healthy lifestyle, it would be seen that people will continue to benefits from this.
These days,
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people
are enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
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life
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
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education
and in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
advancement.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are developing
quickly
with the unlimited resources available to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in
Did you mean "these"?
this
terms. In this essay, I would like to
further
discuss into the reasons of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and I
certainly
accord that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
for our community.

There are manifold points that contributed to the secret of living
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longer
due to
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people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the main contribution factor. Our society has been focusing on the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as this teaches and nurture us regarding the way of healthy living.
For instance
, schools has been emphasizing on balanced diet intake in canteens to encourage children to consume more fruit and vegetables. With the understanding of basic dietary nutrition intake, community member gain benefit by being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with balanced lifestyle.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
and technology advancement
also
inculcate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
lifespan of human as vaccines
are developed
to cure ailments.
For example
, in ancient times, polio disease were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be incurable and deadly.
However
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
research and technology, polio vaccine
were developed
The article is probably missing here: "in the 1980s".
in 1980s
and were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to cure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that
was infected
.

This is
certainly
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
situation for us as the combination of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
and technology has been fruitful to our community. Elderly were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and witness the birth of their
next
generation. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
refer their elderly as the golden generation as they will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to educate their future generation with their lifetime experiences. History is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
lesson in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that teaches us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
wise decisions.
Furthermore
, with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
sectors, juveniles who are sick from health ailments have higher chances to recover and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
wonders of the world.
For example
, unlucky newborns with heart diseases can undergo heart surgery to recover which cannot
be done
in ancient times due to lack of understanding in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
development.

In conclusion
, living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
can
indubitably
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "contribute"
contributes
to
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people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. With the society
Possible spelling mistake found.
emphasism
in healthy lifestyle, it would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will continue to benefits from this.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Nowadays people are living longer and some believe that this can contribute to people s development What are the causes of this change Is it a positive or negative phenomenon v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
370 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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