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A rise in the standard of living in a country only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas. What problems might this difference causes? How might these problems reduce? v.2

A rise in the standard of living in a country only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas. What problems might this difference causes? How might these problems reduce? v. 2
The living conditions in a nation have been on the rise, as the belief of many people, are beneficial to the metropolises than the rural areas. This causes some negative consequences and the cures mentioned in this essay have been made to ease those problems. Perhaps the greatest impact for the better living standard on cities is the matter of overpopulation. It is true that there would be a massive migration to the urban areas to seek jobs and pursue a good chance of living. Therefore, the cities with an exceeded population would experience a multitude of demerits which two of them can be named as traffic congestion and pollution. More people living in the city center need more transports to commute and this is the main contributor to pollute it. Another issue needs to be discussed is the increasing crime rate due to the gap between the rich and the poor. Take Los Angeles as the example for this, although the city life is better with a wide range of enjoyment for people to let the hair down, the criminals arrested are not in a small number. Turning to the possible solutions, the government must pioneer prior to the investors to build up the factories and offices in the rural areas. This could attract many employees to come back their hometowns and keep the balance of population in both areas. What is more, more amenities and attraction sites should be constructed for country dwellers’ entertainment. When the residents’ lives are ensured, it would bridge the wealthy and underprivileged people. To sum up, the drawbacks, have been led from the increasing trend of living standard, could be limited with the authority’s actions.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
conditions in a nation have been on the rise, as the belief of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, are beneficial to the metropolises than the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. This causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences and the cures mentioned in this essay have
been made
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
those problems.

Perhaps the greatest impact for the better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standard on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is the matter of overpopulation. It is true that there would be a massive migration to the urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to seek jobs and pursue a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
chance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
with an exceeded population would experience a multitude of demerits which two of them can
be named
as traffic congestion and pollution. More
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the city center need more transports to commute and this is the main contributor to pollute it. Another issue needs to
be discussed
is the increasing crime rate due to the gap between the rich and the poor. Take Los Angeles as the example for this, although the city life is better with a wide range of enjoyment for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the hair down, the criminals arrested are not in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number.

Turning to the possible solutions, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pioneer prior to the investors to build up the factories and offices in the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. This could attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back their hometowns and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the balance of population in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
What is more
, more amenities and attraction sites should
be constructed
for country dwellers’ entertainment. When the residents’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are ensured
, it would bridge the wealthy and underprivileged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To sum up, the drawbacks, have
been led
from the increasing trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standard, could
be limited
with the authority’s actions.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay A rise in the standard of living in a country only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas. What problems might this difference causes? How might these problems reduce? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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