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Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed What is the reason for doing this Is this a negative or positive development v.1

Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed What is the reason for doing this Is this a negative or positive development v. 1
It wasn't long before, when people used to prefer working under big organizations, but now there is a huge influx of entrepreneurs in the current market as more people are turning towards self-employment rather than working for a reputable company. There are a number of factors contributing to this transition which will be later on discussed in the essay along with some of the disadvantages for that entrepreneurs might encounter down the road. Before discussing the disadvantages it is essential to analyse as to why people have transitioned towards establishing their own business rather than being a part of one. There are a number of significant causes that have led up to this shift in mindset. It has partially occurred due to the extreme job crisis that have overtaken the market reducing the number of job opportunities for the seekers and partially due to the lack of job security and low wages that employees have been facing. The first probable disadvantage of being self employed is the financial loss that one might suffer. A person who decides to board the self-employments ship cuts loose all steady source of income that they might have otherwise. This might lead to anxiety and economic crisis in the household which might create unrest among the family. Since entrepreneurs rarely have a steady source of income to cater their everyday need their routine life is badly effected which in term hugely affects their mental stability. For example, if a person who has left his job for a desire to have his own business suffers a financial drop he will undergo not only emotional distress, but would also suffer in terms of career growth as companies would question the time he was not working in a firm. In conclusion, it must be said that although, the people who are turning towards self employment in order to bypass the economic crisis in an order to establish themselves have great potential but, still they are on fragile ground owing to various disadvantages that entail them, which might prove to be extremely critical, hence it is recommended to not act hastily and consider every possibility before diving deeper into the abyss of self-employment and have a rescue plan in case of a failure.
It wasn't long
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to prefer working under
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
organizations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
there is a huge influx of entrepreneurs in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
market as more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are turning towards self-employment
rather
than working for a reputable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. There are a number of factors contributing to this transition which will be later on discussed in the essay along with
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
disadvantages for that entrepreneurs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
encounter down the road.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
discussing the disadvantages it is essential to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
as to why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have transitioned towards establishing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business
rather
than being a part of one. There are a number of significant causes that have led up to this shift in mindset. It has
partially
occurred due to the extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
crisis that have overtaken the market reducing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities for the seekers and
partially
due to the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security and low wages that employees have been facing.

The
first
probable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disadvantage
of being
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self employed
is the financial loss that one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
suffer. A person who decides to board the self-employments ship
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
loose all steady source of income that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have
otherwise
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
lead to anxiety and economic crisis in the household which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
create unrest among the family.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
entrepreneurs rarely have a steady source of income to cater their everyday need their routine life is
Did you mean "badly affected"?
badly effected
which in term
hugely
affects their mental stability.
For example
, if a person who has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for a desire to have his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business suffers a financial drop he will undergo not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
emotional distress,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
would
also
suffer in terms of career growth as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
would question the time he was not working in a firm.

In conclusion
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be said
that although, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are turning towards self employment in order to bypass the economic crisis in an order to establish themselves have great potential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
still
they are on fragile ground owing to various disadvantages that entail them, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
prove to be
extremely
critical,
hence
it
is recommended
to not act
hastily
and consider every possibility
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
diving deeper into the abyss of self-employment and have a rescue plan in case of a failure.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed What is the reason for doing this Is this a negative or positive development v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
374 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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