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Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development? v.3

Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development? v. 3
In this developing era, people claimed that children should work hard to achieve more. While many parents try to encourage their children and give advices, there are those putting a lot of pressure on the juveniles to be successful without caring about their hobbies. This situation is caused by many reasons and also leads to a negative effect, which will be given in this essay. Firstly, it is an obvious fact that most of guardians want their offsprings to have a better future and respect in modern life, because their children will have a good life if they can get succeed. Hence, they make the youngsters involve in many classes and courses, which provide them enough preparations related to their career. Secondly, parents, who failed to achieve their fascination to have a job with higher social class, are forcing the adolescents to follow the same dreams and push them to compete with the others. Furthermore, several consequences are caused by these decisions of parents. Because of always being under pressure, students tend to rarely feel comfortable to reach their targets. They may not put many efforts on the studies since those are preferred by their guardians, which they are not interested in them. Moreover, this will affect on their career because of the stress that their parents are responsible for. In terms of all these, parents’ pressures are surely causing a negative trend in the society. In conclusion, it is an inescapable fact that there are numerous reasons may lead to this phenomenon and badly impacts on childrens’ future. However, many people are now attempting to limit the pressure by supporting their childrens’concerns and give them advices on difficulties.
In this developing era,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claimed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve more. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
try to encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and give advices, there are those putting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on the juveniles to be successful without caring about their hobbies. This situation
is caused
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons and
also
leads to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect, which will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in this essay.

Firstly
, it is an obvious fact that
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the guardians") or simply say "most guardians".
most of guardians
want their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
to have a better future and respect in modern life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life if they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
succeed.
Hence
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the youngsters involve in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
classes and courses, which provide them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
preparations related to their career.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, who failed to achieve their fascination to have a job with higher social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, are forcing the adolescents to follow the same dreams and push them to compete with the others.

Furthermore
, several consequences
are caused
by these decisions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of
The adverb 'always' usually goes after the verb 'being'.
always being
under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
, students tend to rarely feel comfortable to reach their targets. They may not put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
efforts on the studies since those
are preferred
by their guardians, which they are not interested in them.
Moreover
, this will
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on their career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are responsible for. In terms of all these,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
are
surely
causing a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend in the society.

In conclusion
, it is an inescapable fact that there are numerous reasons may lead to this phenomenon and
badly
impacts on
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
’ future.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
attempting to limit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
by supporting their
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
’concerns and give them advices on difficulties.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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