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Government investment in the arts, such as music and theater, is a waste of money, government must investment this money in public services. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.1

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theater, is a waste of money, government must investment this money in public services. v. 1
Every nation's budget a handsome amount of money for the welfare of art and history. Whilst some opine that these allocations are indispensable, others believe that such investments must be used for other public expenditures. I could not accord with the second group of people, and in my opinion, the necessity of setting apart money for cultural activities, like the arts and music, is undeniable. There are many reasons to support my view, and the most pivot one being the importance of a country's cultural history. Art museums and theatres open a window to the heritage of a civilization, not only to its inhabitants, but also for the tourists visiting the country. For example, the Oman government spends millions of money for the establishment and maintenance of art museums and they have opened few music theatres to display their traditional way of singing and dancing. Consequently, this creates a sense of patriotism among the natives, which in turn helps the ruler to prosper a generation loyal to the nation. Secondly, in this era of competitions, where people are living in a stressful atmosphere, it is very soothing to have leisure spots, like theatre and art galleries. Programmes held in such entertainment locations help to develop tourism as well as providing refreshments to the local people. For example, Kathakali is an art form very popular in South India, heavily subsidized by the state government, which attracted more tourists to the place. In addition to that, music academies engender many individuals, with good talent, to world famous performers, who can eventually be the advocates of their nation’s prosperity. To sum up, I strongly support the policy of government to spend money on museums and art galleries. These finances helps are very necessary when considered its benefits like, cultural awareness, and tourism development.
Every nation's budget a handsome amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the welfare of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and history. Whilst
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opine that these allocations are indispensable, others believe that such investments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for other public expenditures. I could not accord with the second group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and in my opinion, the necessity of setting apart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for cultural activities, like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and music, is undeniable.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons to support my view, and the most pivot one being the importance of a country's cultural history.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
museums and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
open a window to the heritage of a civilization, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to its inhabitants,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the tourists visiting the country.
For example
, the Oman
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spends millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the establishment and maintenance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
museums and
they have opened few music
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
to display their traditional way of singing and dancing.
Consequently
, this creates a sense of patriotism among the natives, which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the ruler to prosper a generation loyal to the nation.

Secondly
, in this era of competitions, where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are living in a stressful atmosphere, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
soothing to have leisure spots, like
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Programmes' is British English.
Programmes
held in such entertainment locations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to develop tourism
as well
as providing refreshments to the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kathakali
is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
form
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular in South India,
heavily
subsidized by the state
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, which attracted more tourists to the place.
In addition
to that, music academies engender
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals, with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
talent, to world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
performers, who can
eventually
be the advocates of their nation’s prosperity.

To sum up, I
strongly
support the policy of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on museums and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries. These finances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary when considered its benefits like, cultural awareness, and tourism development.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Government investment in the arts, such as music and theater, is a waste of money, government must investment this money in public services. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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