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Nowadays online shopping is extremely popular. Discuss the impact of it on the environment and on people, who lost their jobs because of it. v.4

Nowadays online shopping is extremely popular. Discuss the impact of it on the environment and on people, who lost their jobs because of it. v. 4
In the modern world, the technology is upgraded and these days we have different markets, which is very famous, because they offer a lot of products which sometime not available in local stores. This development has some positive and negative effect on our society. In this essay I will describe both views, then I will reach on my opinion. Firstly, the online shopping has all lot benefit of their customers. Because they offer an opportunity to stay at home and get different things through online invest main online store. In addition, we have different side to choose from what we want and we know all ingredients which they used to make this items. For example, the Amazon is a world best online shopping site and I this website we have all products like beauty, gym, clothes and other more. Moreover we purchased anything anywhere from own nation or outside. Hence. As a result, it is more beneficial for individuals who do not have to go for shopping. However, these upgrades have a lot bad effect on our environment. Because it decreases the employment proportion and less customers to the hookers. Furthermore, these effects were happening to unemployment as well as if they have more to sell then they want more customers otherwise, they only just pay their salary that’s mean they do not get any benefits, then the unemployment was happening. In contrast, these developments also has more jobs in a different field. For instance, if anyone was purchased anything through online, then this item goes to the shipment and then the cargo company will want more employment. In Conclusion, I totally believe this upgrade has more benefits compared with implements I think this upgrade was create more jobs in different fields.
In the modern world, the technology
is upgraded
and these days we have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
markets, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
products which sometime not available in local stores. This development has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on our society. In this essay I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
both views, then I will reach on my opinion.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping has all lot benefit of their customers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they offer an opportunity to stay at home and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
things through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
invest main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
store.
In addition
, we have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
side to choose from what we
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
want and
we know all ingredients which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Did you mean "these"?
this
items.
For example
, the Amazon is a world best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping site and I this website we have all products like beauty, gym, clothes and other more.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
anything anywhere from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
nation or outside.
Hence
.
As a result
, it is more beneficial for individuals who do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go for shopping.

However
, these upgrades have a
It seems that there's a missing preposition after ''.
lot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect on our environment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it decreases the employment proportion and
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun customers is countable.
less
customers to the hookers.
Furthermore
, these effects were happening to unemployment
as well
as if they have more to sell then they want more customers
otherwise
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
pay their salary that’s mean they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any benefits, then the unemployment was happening.
In contrast
, these developments
also
has more jobs in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
field.
For instance
, if anyone was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
anything through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, then this item goes to the shipment and then the cargo
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
will want more employment.

In Conclusion
, I
totally
believe this upgrade has more benefits compared with implements I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this upgrade was
Consider using a past participle here: "created".
create
more jobs in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
fields.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays online shopping is extremely popular. Discuss the impact of it on the environment and on people, who lost their jobs because of it. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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