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Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on the society. v.4

Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on the society. v. 4
It is impossible to disapprove that fact to the number of science students was shrinking when compared to other discipline. This trend has been increasing and causing many problem. Upcoming paragraph will analyse some explanation for this reason. Firstly, to study a science subject requires hard work and patience. Many students around the world does not have those qualities due to this, they choose any easy stream (such as commerce and engineering) and these students are indulged in leisure. For one instance, after completing four years in science, they require to do another two years course in any specific subject to become a specialist. Science students have to devote their life for 4 to 6 years in university and they want to have that passion about that subject since it will motivate them. Secondly, getting job for science students is very difficult in this competitive world, whereas other degree students having more number of opportunity As a result, there will be a shortage in research field and this would bring more problem to our society. Science field is very important subject in the world because nowadays people not take caring their health an account of this many of them affected by various kind of disease. If the science students decreased in propositional with respect to year, then many innovative ideas which will come from mind would be disappeared and it will create more pressure on exciting practitioner. To conclude, although having many difficulties in science, it will give the best future for who worked hard. Moreover, world needs their service to acquire a healthy life.
It is impossible to disapprove that fact to the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
was shrinking when compared to other discipline. This trend has been increasing and causing
Possible agreement error. The noun problem seems to be countable; consider using: "many problems".
many problem
. Upcoming paragraph will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
explanation
for this reason
.

Firstly
, to study a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
requires
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and patience.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
does not have those qualities due to this, they choose any easy stream (such as commerce and engineering) and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are indulged
in leisure. For one instance, after completing four years in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, they require to do another two years course in any specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
to become a specialist.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
devote their life for 4 to 6 years in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
university and
they want to have that passion about that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
since it will motivate them.
Secondly
, getting job for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult in this competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, whereas other degree
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
having more number of opportunity

As a result
, there will be a shortage in research field and this would bring more problem to our society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
field is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
not take caring their health an account of this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by various kind of disease. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
decreased in propositional with respect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from mind would
be disappeared
and it will create more pressure on exciting practitioner.

To conclude
, although having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, it will give the best future for who worked
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
needs their service to acquire a healthy life.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on the society. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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