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Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts? v.5

Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts? v. 5
Nowadays, with expanding technology, the role of arts is declining in society events. I highly agree that overusing of technologies and business dominance on people are important agents to prevent revealing the beneficial aspects of art, however, it is possible to persuade people to have notice to the arts with some proceedings. I am going to present my views in this essay. These days, the booming trend of technology and science has an undeniable role to disappear many aspects of art. The first and foremost, materialism and product consumption as a result of modern lifestyle leads to changing habits and interests of society. People for instance tend to work hard for getting more money to keep their position in their societies, they thus do not adequate time to attend to the arts as a common way of relaxation and entertainment. The social medias are furthermore an important factor for disappearing the art sector such as cinema and music among myriads of people. To clarify, some children spend a majority of their time in social networks on their cellphones and this cause that they do not impel to the arts. Nevertheless, arts, music and theater are an integral part of the society’s cultural and intellectual development and amusement. In my point of view, we can persuade people to take interest in the arts with some proceedings. Combining the art and technology can primarily be a useful idea to attract people to some parts of the art. The animations are in particular tremendous achievement to merge them. A strong art, music and movie is also an economic asset that creates new jobs and attracts tourism revenue. For example, a distinguished cinema movie like Parasite- Academy Award winner- not only can influence on the economy of South Korea in short time, but also may be a factor to represent their culture to all over the world. By way on conclusion, although strong leaning of people toward science, business and technology is undeniable, in my opinion, adapting the arts with technology and business is crucial for society development in the art sector.
Nowadays, with expanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is declining in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. I
highly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that overusing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and business dominance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
agents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
revealing the beneficial aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
,
however
, it is possible to persuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have notice to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
proceedings. I am going to present my views in this essay.

These days, the booming trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and science has an undeniable role to disappear
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. The
first
and foremost, materialism and product consumption
as a result
of modern lifestyle leads to changing habits and interests of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
for instance
tend to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for getting more money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their position in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
, they
thus
do not adequate time to attend to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
as a common way of relaxation and entertainment. The social medias are
furthermore
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor for disappearing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
sector such as cinema and music among myriads of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To clarify,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children spend a majority of their time in social networks on their cellphones and this cause that they do not impel to the arts.

Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, music and theater are an integral part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society’s
cultural and intellectual development and amusement. In my point of view, we can persuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take interest in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
proceedings. Combining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can
primarily
be a useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. The animations are
in particular
tremendous achievement to merge them. A strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, music and movie is
also
an economic asset that creates new jobs and attracts tourism revenue.
For example
, a distinguished cinema movie like Parasite- Academy Award winner- not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can influence on the economy of South Korea in short time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
may be a factor to represent their culture to all over the world.

By way on conclusion, although strong leaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
toward science, business and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is undeniable, in my opinion, adapting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and business is crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
development in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
sector.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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