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Many teenagers today spend a large amount of money on consumer goods and entertainment without worrying about the cost even though they may earn a little or no money themselves Why do you think young people sometimes spend their money irresponsibly v.2

Many teenagers today spend a large amount of money on consumer goods and entertainment without worrying about the cost even though they may earn a little or no money themselves Why do you think young people sometimes spend their money irresponsibly v. 2
In today' s modern world, a huge population part of millenials has the tendency to spend huge amount of money acquiring numerous and useless products regardless of the expenditure. There are several reasons for this phenomenon, the most important of which are the lack of communication within the family and the bad influence of social media. Undeniably, the institution of family has been altered throughout the years. To elaborate, modern families lead a fast pacing lifestyle in which the parents work all-day earning money to support their families. Therefore, children spend a massive amount of time isolated and in order to fill the emotional void from their absence, they buy or are the recipients of unnecessary goods. The proof is the fact that teenagers get very expensive smartphones as gifts. Thus in a small age, they learn to spend money irresponsibly. In addition to this situation, social media brainwash minors to consume more and more commodities. In the sensitive age of adolescence, juveniles wish to be accepted by those close to their age, so they follow blindly bad role models on social platforms. Unfortunately, the intention of influencers is to pursue people to buy as many goods as possible. In other words, they upload an abundance of pictures daily to advertise clothes, perfumes etc manipulating youngsters to purchase them. That is why teenagers spend money without considering the cost of these items, trying not to be parias. To conclude, I believe that the modern family crisis and the negative effect of social media have lead the youngsters to overconsumerism. Undoubtedly, this is something that the future generation should consider to change.
In
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s modern world, a huge population part of
Possible spelling mistake found.
millenials
has the tendency to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
acquiring numerous and useless products regardless of the expenditure. There are several reasons for this phenomenon, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
of which are the lack of communication within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media.

Undeniably
, the institution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has
been altered
throughout the years. To elaborate, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
lead a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pacing lifestyle in which the parents work all-day earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Therefore
, children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a massive amount of time isolated and in order to fill the emotional void from their absence, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
or are the recipients of unnecessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. The proof is the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive smartphones as gifts.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
age, they learn to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
irresponsibly
.

In addition
to this situation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media brainwash minors to consume more and more commodities. In the sensitive age of adolescence, juveniles wish to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by those close to their age,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they follow
blindly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
role models on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
platforms. Unfortunately, the intention of influencers is to pursue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
as possible.
In other words
, they upload an abundance of pictures daily to advertise clothes, perfumes etc manipulating youngsters to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
them.
That is
why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
without considering the cost of these items, trying not to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
parias
.

To conclude
, I believe that the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
crisis and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media have lead the youngsters to
Possible spelling mistake found.
overconsumerism
.
Undoubtedly
, this is something that the future generation should consider to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many teenagers today spend a large amount of money on consumer goods and entertainment without worrying about the cost even though they may earn a little or no money themselves Why do you think young people sometimes spend their money irresponsibly v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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