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Nowadays museums have become more and more important. What are the purposes of places such as museums and how should they be funded? v.1

Nowadays museums have become more and more important. What are the purposes of places such as museums and how should they be funded? v. 1
Currently, people are prone to be fading away and even be jeopardized by conventional architectures. Hence, there are several purposes for museums and galleries and a series of steps being taken are expected to preserve and strengthen the importance of these traditional buildings. At the outset, the main function of museums and galleries is to demonstrate local citizens the fact regarding their ancestors’ lifestyle, traditional heritages, as well as local cultures. In other words, it is also one of the best means to educate children by the way that it creates a favorable condition for teenagers to gain deeper insight into the sacrifice of our predecessors and cultivate patriotism. Meanwhile, by enhancing the statue of museums domestic economy and countries’ image will be promoted because of the traveling industry which could appeal to a surge growth number of worldwide tourists by the charm of local architectures. Encountering these potential targets, the governments have to take steps to preserve and upgrade these traditional values. Firstly, Governments could invest a large amount of money on social media such as TV or newspaper to promote museums and galleries image to emphasize the merits the traditional buildings bring and restore the appearance of it. Moreover, it could raise a citizen’s awareness of traditional identities. Besides, in terms of educating the next generation well, the government should spare no efforts to set up an educational fund. Authorities, for instance, could organize adolescences to visit it, and advocate that only by face-to-face could they appreciate the real values of culture and spirits in their country, and enjoy the historical and aesthetic atmosphere in the conventional architectures. In my conclusion, without these conventional architectures, we would lose valuable treasures and are likely to be at a loss under the background of globalization when overseas cultures intrude. Consequently, nothing is more important to make a considerable investment fund on traditional buildings.
Currently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are prone to be fading away and even
be jeopardized
by conventional architectures.
Hence
, there are several purposes for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and galleries and a series of steps
being taken
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to preserve and strengthen the importance of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
buildings.

At the outset, the main function of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and galleries is to demonstrate local citizens the fact regarding their ancestors’ lifestyle,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
heritages,
as well
as local cultures.
In other words
, it is
also
one of the best means to educate children by the way that it creates a favorable condition for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to gain deeper insight into the sacrifice of our predecessors and cultivate patriotism. Meanwhile, by enhancing the statue of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
domestic economy and countries’ image will
be promoted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the traveling industry which could appeal to a surge growth number of worldwide tourists by the charm of local architectures.

Encountering these potential targets, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take steps to preserve and upgrade these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
values.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
could invest a large amount of money on social media such as TV or newspaper to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and galleries image to emphasize the merits the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
buildings bring and restore the appearance of it.
Moreover
, it could raise a citizen’s awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
identities.
Besides
, in terms of educating the
next
generation well, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spare no efforts to set up an educational fund. Authorities,
for instance
, could organize adolescences to visit it, and advocate that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by face-to-face could they appreciate the real values of culture and spirits in their country, and enjoy the historical and aesthetic atmosphere in the conventional architectures.

In my conclusion, without these conventional architectures, we would lose valuable treasures and are likely to be at a loss under the background of globalization when overseas cultures intrude.
Consequently
, nothing is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a considerable investment fund on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
buildings.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Nowadays museums have become more and more important. What are the purposes of places such as museums and how should they be funded? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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