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Nowadays museums and historical sites are mainly visited by foreign tourists instead of locals. Why is this happening? What can be done to get locals to visit museums and historical sites more? v.5

Nowadays museums and historical sites are mainly visited by foreign tourists instead of locals. Why is this happening? What can be done to get locals to visit museums and historical sites more? v. 5
In the modern era, foreign tourists tend to visit historical places and museums more frequently, in contrast to local citizens. This might be attributed to the lack of historical background about the value of these sites among locals. Thereafter, educational curriculums should include a comprehensive knowledge about history of their country that encourage the citizens to visit those valuable sites. Generally speaking, the main reason why many people did not interesting in visiting local museums and historical spaces is the insufficient education. It is well-known fact that most schools and universities did not give the optimal attention to the history subjects, which in turn discourage students to visit these precious places. Subsequent to that, local people could not know the potential contribution of their ancestors to the civilization, which lead to loss of passion to see their creation. To overcome these challenges, a higher concern to the history curriculums should be given. In particular, the local municipalities should impose inclusive educational programs to encourage local citizens to visit the historical places. Besides that, these programs must aim to prepare qualified guides to enhance the historical background of the local citizens. If the governments do not establish such programs, new generations may lose their history. In conclusion, the issue of encouraging local people to visit the historical places will continue to demand our efforts. The lack of historical background may be the primary cause of such problem; thereafter, the local authorities should employ a universal program to tackle the negative repercussions of this issue.
In the modern era, foreign tourists tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
and museums more
frequently
,
in contrast
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
. This might
be attributed
to the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
background about the value of these sites among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
. Thereafter, educational curriculums should include a comprehensive knowledge about history of their country that encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
those valuable sites.

Generally
speaking, the main reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
did not
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "interest"?
interesting
in visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
museums and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
spaces is the insufficient education. It is well-known fact that most schools and universities did not give the optimal attention to the history subjects, which in turn discourage students to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
these precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
Consider using "after"
Subsequent to
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could not know the potential contribution of their ancestors to the civilization, which lead to loss of passion to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their creation.

To overcome these challenges, a higher concern to the history curriculums should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.
In particular
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
municipalities should impose inclusive educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
Besides
that, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
aim to prepare qualified guides to enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
background of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
do not establish such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
, new generations may lose their history.

In conclusion
, the issue of encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
will continue to demand our efforts. The lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
background may be the primary cause of such problem; thereafter, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
authorities should employ a universal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
to tackle the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
repercussions of this issue.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Nowadays museums and historical sites are mainly visited by foreign tourists instead of locals. Why is this happening? What can be done to get locals to visit museums and historical sites more? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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