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Nowadays museums and historical sites are mainly visited by foreign tourist instead of locals. Why is this happening? What can be done to get locals to visit museums and historical sites more? v.1

Nowadays museums and historical sites are mainly visited by foreign tourist instead of locals. Why is this happening? What can be done to get locals to visit museums and historical sites more? v. 1
Recently, most local indigenous hardly visit museums and historic sites in their countries instead these places are mostly visited by foreigners because the natives find them less attractive. Hence to encourage frequent visitation, the government should try to reduce the entry fees paid by the local community. Locals of a country find their museums and historical sites very boring because they have been to these places over time and nothing has changed in so many years. Hence many of them prefer to explore new places and that might mean travelling out to other countries. For example the "Great Artefact" museum in Nigeria hasn't been developed in the last 50 years and this place has experienced a low turnout of the indigenous in the last 10 years or more. Furthermore, the entry fee paid by foreigners and the locals in the same. Most foreigners are very enthusiastic in coming to these places and wouldn't mind to pay more to visit these places, but a resident would see it as a to but waste of money, paying so much to see what has been seen before without any new developments. To alleviate this problem, archaeological places should be renovated every 10 years to make them more attractive to everyone both locals and foreigners. Also, the local community should be made to pay a lesser entry fee than foreigners pay so that people who do not earn so much money can have to privilege to visit these sites at little or no cost. In conclusion, to ensure that most local inhabitants are encouraged to go to their museum and historical sites as much as international tourist do, new developments should be put in place to attract them and fees be reduced drastically for them.
Recently, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
indigenous hardly visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and historic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
in their countries
instead
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are
mostly
visited by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreigners
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the natives find them less attractive.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
to encourage frequent visitation, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
paid by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
community.

Locals of a country find their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
boring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have been to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
over time and nothing has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them prefer to explore new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
and that might mean travelling out to other countries.
For example
the
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Great
Possible spelling mistake. 'Artefact' is British English.
Artefact
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
in Nigeria hasn't
been developed
in the last 50 years and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
has experienced a low turnout of the indigenous in the last 10 years or more.

Furthermore
, the entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
paid by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreigners
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
in the same. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreigners
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
enthusiastic in coming to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
and wouldn't mind to pay more to visit these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a resident would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it as a to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
waste of money, paying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
what has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
without any new developments.

To alleviate this problem, archaeological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
should
be renovated
every 10 years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more attractive to everyone both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreigners
.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
community should
be made
to pay a lesser entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreigners
pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do not earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much money can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
privilege to visit these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no cost.

In conclusion
, to ensure that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
inhabitants
are encouraged
to go to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
as much as international tourist do, new developments should
be put
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to attract them and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
drastically
for them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Nowadays museums and historical sites are mainly visited by foreign tourist instead of locals. Why is this happening? What can be done to get locals to visit museums and historical sites more? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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