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Nowadays most people spend less time at their homes. What are the causes for it? What are the effects on the society and individuals? v.1

Nowadays most people spend less time at their homes. What are the causes for it? What are the effects on the society and individuals? v. 1
In recent years many people do not spend their time in own homes, therefore; its effects on their personal and social life. Many people are interested to work more than usual to earn more money, some people work extra time or have a second job to earn more money because they strongly believe that money makes a better life for them or they can buy some luxury things to improve their living level for their self and their family. In addition; people who work overtime can help their society to earn more money and increase their social life. For instance, the Japanese are working hard and they can reach the first level of industry and technology. When people have responsibility for their job and their group, they can reduce some costs in their company and society with their responsibility to own jobs. Owing to the economic situation in many modern societies, families have not enough time to be in their homes because many couples are work outside and they work overtime to earn more money. As a result of these situations, couples face many problems in their relationship, many couple divorce and prefer individuals living to matrimony life. When people live outside instead of their home, they face some problems with their children because parents need enough time to upbringing their children. When people could not share their emotions with their family it has negative effects on society because people have not good emotions about their relationship. When people work hard and over time they lose their leisure time that they could spend with their loves and families. Although it has some positive effect on people economy life to have better facilities, they cannot feel passionate about their family and children and it reduces social benefits in the long-term.
In recent years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
homes,
therefore
; its effects on their personal and social life.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are interested
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more than usual to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or have a second job to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them or
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
luxury things to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their living level for their self and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
overtime can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and increase their social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For instance
, the Japanese are working
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hard and
they can reach the
first
level of industry and technology. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have responsibility for their job and their group, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
costs in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
with their responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
jobs.

Owing to the economic situation in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to be in their homes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
couples are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
outside and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
overtime to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
As a result
of these situations, couples face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems in their relationship,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
couple divorce and prefer individuals living to matrimony
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
outside
instead
of their home, they face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems with their children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
parents need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to upbringing their children. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could not share their emotions with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
emotions about their relationship.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they lose their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that they could spend with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. Although it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
economy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to have better facilities, they cannot feel passionate about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and children and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
social benefits in the long-term.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Nowadays most people spend less time at their homes. What are the causes for it? What are the effects on the society and individuals? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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