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Some business prohibits smoking in any of their offices, some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree that this is the right course of action? Give some reasons and your opinion. v.2

Some business prohibits smoking in any of their offices, some governments have banned smoking in all public places. that this is the right course of action? Give some reasons and your opinion. v. 2
It is true that a large variety of companies and a number of authorities impose a restriction on smoking in workplaces and public areas. As far as I am concerned, smoking should not completely be forbidden by the above-mentioned organizations even though it can be harmful. On the one hand, it can not deny the fact that there is a group of perks that individuals and states could reap certainly from smoking. For the best, it is demonstrated that people can enhance their working capacity and boost concentration ability when they use tobaccos. Not to mention that smoking also helps people unwind after they are tired of working. In regard to the economic perspective, firms producing cigarettes could contribute to the national budget of governments through the tax system. As a result, authorities could allocate this amount of money from tax obtained to urgent issues such as environmental protection and infrastructure development, which means not only releasing the heavy burden on states but also creating millions of jobs for employees who are serving in the tobacco industry. On the other hand, despite these vivid positive effects, there are many major drawbacks to smoking too. Firstly, using tobacco is a potential contributing factor behind the number of diseases consisting of lung cancer, heart attacks and asthma sue to the fact that each tobacco contains thousands of poison and chemicals. Not only smokers but also people surrounding could suffer from the smoke of cigarettes. Secondly, image if millions of people addict to smoking and they have to spend a large amount of money to meet fully their demand and expend treating related causes of disease, a huge budget is wasted unnecessarily. Therefore, instead of spending on smoking, they can use this amount of money to invest in education in order to pave the way for their career path. In conclusion, the world would be a better place without smoking. However, the decision of whether to smoke comes down to each individual to make. Smoking should not be banned completely, people should not also use tobacco in public areas or in rooms where there are non-smokers.
It is true that a large variety of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and a number of authorities impose a restriction on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in workplaces and public areas. As far as I
am concerned
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
should not completely
be forbidden
by the above-mentioned organizations
even though
it can be harmful.

On the one hand, it can not deny the fact that there is a group of perks that individuals and states could reap
certainly
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
. For the best, it
is demonstrated
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enhance their working capacity and boost concentration ability when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobaccos
. Not to mention that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
unwind after they
are tired
of working. In regard to the economic perspective, firms producing cigarettes could contribute to the national budget of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
through the tax system.
As a result
, authorities could allocate this amount of money from tax obtained to urgent issues such as environmental protection and infrastructure development, which means not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
releasing the heavy burden on states
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
creating millions of jobs for employees who are serving in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
industry.

On the other hand
, despite these vivid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
major drawbacks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
too.
Firstly
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
is a potential contributing factor behind the number of diseases consisting of lung cancer, heart attacks and asthma sue to the fact that each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
contains thousands of poison and chemicals. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
smokers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
surrounding could suffer from the smoke of cigarettes.
Secondly
, image if millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
addict to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
smoking and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend a large amount of money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
fully
their demand and expend treating related causes of disease, a huge budget
is wasted
unnecessarily
.
Therefore
,
instead
of spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this amount of money to invest in education in order to pave the way for their career path.

In conclusion
, the world would be a better place without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
.
However
, the decision of whether to smoke
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
down to each individual to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smoking
should not
be banned
completely,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
in public areas or in rooms where there are non-smokers.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some business prohibits smoking in any of their offices, some governments have banned smoking in all public places. that this is the right course of action? Give some reasons and your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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