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Nowadays, most large companies operate multi-nationality. To what extent those companies should have responsibility towards local communities in which they operate? v.1

Nowadays, most large companies operate multi-nationality. v. 1
Currently, globalization is a trend. Therefore, a lot of companies open their subsidiaries in many countries. Although generating profits from new markets is the top priority for each company, they also need to have responsibilities to the host countries. There are two main reason why multinational companies should conduct their business in a socially responsible manner. Firstly, they have to pay taxes promptly and adequately. As a result, authorities may have more revenue to spend in key fields, especially education, health and infrastructure, which leads to an improvement not only in the quality of life of the whole community but also creating some advantages for enterprises. For example, if the government have money to develop infrastructure such as upgrading public transport system or building new airports, new harbors, etc. …, companies will save time, cost to delivery and receive goods as well as materials. Accordingly, their performance are better and certainly they can earn huge profits. Secondly, multinational corporations have to protect environment since their activities have effects on it. Without control, production processes may result in serious environment degradation, such as global warming stemming from factory emissions or the irresponsible disposal of industrial waste. If factories installed waste treatment system instead of discharging chemical waste into river, water pollution could be controlled. This will create the fresh environment for the local people as well as the companies’ workers, who contribute to the performance of company. Besides that, the firms can be fined if their activities have negative impacts on the environment. In fact, recently Formosa – a Taiwan firm was fined US 500 million dollars for discharging chemical waste into the ocean by the Vietnamese government. In conclusion, enterprises can run their business on many countries, they have to have responsibility towards the host countries yet.
Currently
, globalization is a trend.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
open their subsidiaries in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. Although generating profits from new markets is the top priority for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, they
also
need to have responsibilities to the host countries.

There are two main reason why multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should conduct their business in a
socially
responsible manner.
Firstly
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay taxes
promptly
and
adequately
.
As a result
, authorities may have more revenue to spend in key fields,
especially
education, health and infrastructure, which leads to an improvement not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the quality of life of the whole community
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
creating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages for enterprises.
For example
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
have money to develop infrastructure such as upgrading public transport system or building new airports, new harbors, etc. …,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
will save time, cost to delivery and receive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
as well
as materials.
Accordingly
, their performance are better and
certainly
they can earn huge profits.

Secondly
, multinational corporations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
since their activities have effects on it. Without control, production processes may result in serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
degradation, such as global warming stemming from factory emissions or the irresponsible disposal of industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
. If factories installed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
treatment system
instead
of discharging chemical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
into river, water pollution could
be controlled
. This will create the fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
for the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as well
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies’
workers, who contribute to the performance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Besides
that, the firms can
be fined
if their activities have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. In fact, recently Formosa
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
a Taiwan firm
was fined
US 500 million dollars for discharging chemical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
into the ocean by the Vietnamese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

In conclusion
, enterprises can run their business on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
have responsibility towards the host countries
yet
.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, most large companies operate multi-nationality. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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