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Nowadays more and more young people hold the important positions in the government Some people think that it is a good thing while others argue that it is not suitable Discuss both these views and give your opinion v.1

Nowadays more and more young people hold the important positions in the government Some people think that it is a good thing while others argue that it is not suitable 1
Running a nation is an arduous task and in the present times more and more young people are holding top positions in government offices. Some people opine that this situation is good where as others are sceptical about it. In the following paragraphs, I intend to discuss both views followed by my opinion. There are many advantages if young people hold the positions of power. To begin with, they are enthusiastic and zealous. They have a great vision and the spirit to take the nation forward. They are not confined to conventions and are willing to try new things. They are ready to face challenges. Secondly, they are better physically which enables them to fulfil some tough jobs. What is more, young leaders could be a source of inspiration for the youth to step forward and do something for the benefit of the country. Finally, the young have a clean track record and the younger leaders are less prone to corruption and similar asocial activities than the old ones whose aim is to be in the seats of power somehow. Only youth has the innocence which can drive the motor of our country. On the other hand, some argue that it is not proper to give the reins of the nation in raw hands. They feel that the young are impatient and lack social experience. Any of their hasty decisions may have serious consequences. They believe that the important posts should be in the hands of the more experienced sexagenarians and octogenarians. What they fail to see is that an emerging nation may not be able to cope with their conventional style of functioning. To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that, in the present scenario, it is better to let the emerging youth take the nation forward by offering them important posts in the government.
Running a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
is an arduous task and in the present times more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are holding top positions in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
offices.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that this situation is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
others are
Possible spelling mistake. 'sceptical' is British English.
sceptical
about it. In the following paragraphs, I intend to discuss both views followed by my opinion.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the positions of power. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, they are enthusiastic and zealous. They have a great vision and the spirit to take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
forward. They are not confined to conventions and are willing to try new things.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
are ready to face challenges.
Secondly
, they are better
physically
which enables them to fulfil
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tough jobs.

What is more
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
leaders could be a source of inspiration for the youth to step forward and do something for the benefit of the country.
Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
have a clean
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
record and the younger leaders are less prone to corruption and similar asocial activities than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ones whose aim is to be in the seats of power somehow.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
youth has the innocence which can drive the motor of our country.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that it is not proper to give the reins of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
in raw hands. They feel that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
are impatient and lack social experience. Any of their hasty decisions may have serious consequences. They believe that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
posts should be in the hands of the more experienced sexagenarians and octogenarians. What they fail to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
is that an emerging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
may not be able to cope with their conventional style of functioning.

To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that, in the present scenario, it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the emerging youth take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
forward by offering them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
posts in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Nowadays more and more young people hold the important positions in the government Some people think that it is a good thing while others argue that it is not suitable 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
309 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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