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Some people think that it is the responsibility of governments to take care of the environment, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the citizens. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that it is the responsibility of governments to take care of the environment, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the citizens. v. 2
Rapid globalisation and advanced lifestyle are deeply affecting the nature. While some people believe that the public is responsible for environmental issues, others argue that civic bodies should make strict laws to keep it under control. This essay shall discuss both of these views, and why I strongly think the government will always have an edge over citizens to protect Mother Earth. There are apparent compelling reasons to believe that, citizens play a vital role in protecting the environment. One of the major issues, nowadays is, air pollution which is caused by the increasing number of cars on the roads. The PH level in the air could be decreased with coordinated action of people, if they start using communal car pooling services or shared cabs. Waste disposal is another emerging reason. Though an individual cannot force others to safeguard the nature, but he / she should take the onus of their own surroundings by making self regulations to throw waste in the dustbin and making their neighbours aware about the importance of the environment for future generations. Conversely, public bodies hold a greater duty towards environmental challenges. To begin with, the government must draft more stronger environmental laws, with heavy penalties so that large industries adhere to legal regulations. In China, for instance, industrial companies are regularly watched by their government in order to strike a balance between their business and the environment. Because of this,   such companies have mitigated the release of their hazardous chemicals into water bodies. Construction of an unauthorised large building is another rising global issue. Both the national and the state bodies must regularize and restrict the unwanted development of these buildings, especially in developing countries. To conclude, our Earth is degrading day by day. Even if the public is making continuous efforts to save the nature, the ultimate power of protecting natural resources lies in the hands of the government agencies and large industries which are toxic for the environment at large extent.
Rapid
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
and advanced lifestyle are
deeply
affecting the nature. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the public is responsible for environmental issues, others argue that civic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bodies
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
strict laws to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
it under control. This essay shall discuss both of these views, and why I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will always have an edge over citizens to protect Mother Earth.

There are apparent compelling reasons to believe that, citizens play a vital role in protecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. One of the major issues, nowadays is, air pollution which
is caused
by the increasing number of cars on the roads. The PH level in the air could
be decreased
with coordinated action of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
using communal car pooling services or shared cabs. Waste disposal is another emerging reason. Though an individual cannot force others to safeguard the nature,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he / she should take the onus of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
surroundings by making self regulations to throw waste in the dustbin and making their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
aware about the importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
for future generations.

Conversely
, public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bodies
hold a greater duty towards environmental challenges. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
draft
Use only "stronger" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more stronger
environmental laws, with heavy penalties
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
industries adhere to legal regulations. In China,
for instance
, industrial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are
regularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in order to strike a balance between their business and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
Because of this
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have mitigated the release of their hazardous chemicals into water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bodies
. Construction of an
Possible spelling mistake. 'unauthorised' is British English.
unauthorised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
building is another rising global issue. Both the national and the state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bodies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
regularize and restrict the unwanted development of these buildings,
especially
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.

To conclude
, our Earth is degrading day by day. Even if the public is making continuous efforts to save the nature, the ultimate power of protecting natural resources lies in the hands of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
agencies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
industries which are toxic for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
extent.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is the responsibility of governments to take care of the environment, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the citizens. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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