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Nowadays more and more people want to live by themselves. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative trend? v.2

Nowadays more and more people want to live by themselves. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative trend? v. 2
These days majority of people want to live independent lives. The major reason for such lies in their Educational qualification. Which we will discuss in detail in following paragraphs. I believe this trend of today’s society is completely constructive and practical. Many people are well educated to stand up for their own. Even fewer of them hold masters or doctorate degree in education and their beliefs are to open to make their self responsible for their own life. Besides this, they can earn good amount due to their educational background and they can manage their expenses very well. Moreover, their qualification gives them the confidence to become independent and achieve their goal. For example, Software Engineers can find jobs in any part of the world and their salary is enough for them to survive and settle there. Moreover, Living alone adds to their maturity level and they have mindset to accept society as a whole. Even though the life sometimes becomes challenging, they try to find satisfaction in it and it leads to happier society. Also, since they are the only one who is earning and spending, they learn budgeting skill, they know how to manage the situations of life. Not only their resilience power to fight with different situation improves but they become responsible person too. To summarise, I believe that people who prefer to live by their self, have awareness about freedom of life and means of achieving. Since it promotes maturity of the individual, It is completely firm enhancement and trend in society.
These
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "days'" or "day's"?
days
majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The major reason for such lies in their Educational qualification.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
we will discuss in detail in following paragraphs. I believe this trend of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is completely constructive and practical.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
to stand up for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. Even fewer of them hold masters or doctorate degree in education and their beliefs are to open to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their self responsible for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Besides
this, they can earn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amount due to their educational
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
background and
they can manage their expenses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well.
Moreover
, their qualification gives them the confidence to become independent and achieve their goal.
For example
, Software Engineers can find jobs in any part of the world and their salary is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for them to survive and settle there.

Moreover
, Living alone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
to their maturity
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
level and
they have mindset to accept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as a whole.
Even though
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
becomes challenging, they try to find satisfaction in it and it leads to happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Also
, since they are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one who is earning and spending, they learn budgeting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, they know how to manage the situations of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their resilience power to fight with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they become responsible person too.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
by their self, have awareness about freedom of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and means of achieving. Since it promotes maturity of the individual, It is completely firm enhancement and trend in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Nowadays more and more people want to live by themselves. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative trend? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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