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Nowadays more and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions? v.7

Nowadays more and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions? v. 7
In the present times, there has been a surge in the number of seniors opting for similar occupations as juniors. This essay will suggest that the main problem this causes is higher poverty among older people and propose lowering the retirement age as a possible solution, followed by a reasoned conclusion. Increased competition for today's youth has left many seniors in poverty. When a young and old people applied for the same job position, it will leave many seniors without work and left on the scrapheap because it is often the case that the young individual will have more skills and may also be willing to work for less money. For example, a recent survey showed that since the financial crisis in 2008, fuel and poverty has increased by 82% amongst the aged. Despite this, many of the older generations own their property and have large savings and therefore, are somewhat insulated from these troubles. The most viable solution would be to drop the age of retirement. Most industrialised countries could afford to lower this from 65 to 60, thus allowing millions of people to retire and be looked after by the state. For instance, Finland has recently decreased the retirement age for all government employees to free up more jobs for their graduates. However, this initiative may be very unpopular with the business community, who have to pay many of these early retirements. In summary, the increased rivalry between young and old in the job market has resulted in the impoverishment of many of our older citizens and countries should consider reducing the age of the retirement to solve this.
In the present times, there has been a surge in the number of seniors opting for similar occupations as juniors. This essay will suggest that the main problem this causes is higher poverty among older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and propose lowering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
as a possible solution, followed by a reasoned conclusion.

Increased competition for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's youth has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
seniors in poverty. When a young and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
applied for the same job position, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
seniors without work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
on the scrapheap
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
the case that the young individual will have more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and may
also
be willing to work for less money.
For example
, a recent survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that since the financial crisis in 2008, fuel and poverty has increased by 82%
Do not mix variants of the same word ('amongst' and 'among') within a single text.
amongst
the aged. Despite this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the older generations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
their property and have large savings and
therefore
, are somewhat insulated from these troubles.

The most viable solution would be to drop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
. Most
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialised' is British English.
industrialised
countries could afford to lower this from 65 to 60,
thus
allowing millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to retire and
be looked
after by the state.
For instance
, Finland has recently decreased the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
employees to free up more jobs for their graduates.
However
, this initiative may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unpopular with the business community, who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these early retirements.

In summary, the increased rivalry between young and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
in the job market has resulted in the impoverishment of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of our older citizens and countries should consider reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
to solve this.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Nowadays more and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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