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Nowadays more and more people are using consumer goods such as refrigerators and washing machines Are there more advantages or disadvantages to this Give your own opinion and examples v.1

Nowadays more and more people are using consumer goods such as refrigerators and washing machines Are there more advantages or disadvantages to this Give your own opinion and examples v. 1
In the recent century, attention to education increase. Some people believe it is important to get a prize for students who get the best academic results. But in the other view, some people think it is more significant to reward students who get development in skills. This essay will discuss the above ideas. However, encourage students is one of the ways to improve them and to keep in the true line. Evidence suggests academic educating is one of the ways people can develop in their life. Despite this, if students achieve the best result of academic education, we should reward students. For example, when students go to university and have a plan for the future, they will help to science and society. That student should get a prize because firstly, maybe they will solve some problems about society and the second, they are genes. The government should be supporting them. On the other hand, some students have less IQ or they don’t like studying. We should encourage children to improve study or they found talent. To illustrate this, when the children get bad marks on math, parents shouldn’t punish them, they speak to their child and understand why he or she doesn’t like to study. And rewarded them when he or she get some improvement. It can be less stress them. The main point, schools, and parents don’t compare the children with them. Because every student has different talent so comparing can disappoint them. Summary, considering the points discussed above, both groups of students should be rewarded. Because we shouldn’t compare students with them. They have a different personality.
In the recent century, attention to education increase.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a prize for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best academic results.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in the other view,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is more significant to reward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
development in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This essay will discuss the above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
However
, encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is one of the ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
them and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in the true line.

Evidence suggests academic educating is one of the ways
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can develop in their life. Despite this, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
achieve the best result of academic education, we should reward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
For example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
go to university and have a plan for the future, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to science and society. That
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a prize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
firstly
, maybe they will solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems about society and the second, they are genes. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should be supporting them.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have less
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
IQ or
they don’t like studying. We should encourage children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
study or
they found talent. To illustrate this, when the children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
marks on math, parents shouldn’t punish them, they speak to their child and understand why he or she doesn’t like to study. And rewarded them when he or she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "gets", "got".
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
improvement. It can be less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
them. The main point, schools, and parents don’t compare the children with them.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
talent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
comparing can disappoint them.

Summary, considering the points discussed above, both groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be rewarded
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
we shouldn’t compare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with them. They have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
personality.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays more and more people are using consumer goods such as refrigerators and washing machines Are there more advantages or disadvantages to this Give your own opinion and examples v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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