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Everyone should stay in school until they reach the age of 18. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Everyone should stay in school until they reach the age of 18. v. 1
People have different views in regard to the question of whether free libraries are needed in each town as the Internet is available for most people. In my view, while people have freer and cheaper ways to keep themselves informed, libraries are still necessary for a town. There are many arguments in favour of building free libraries. The first and the most important reason is, while the Internet has become an essential part of many people, there are still some people cannot access the Internet even today. They are, in general, the elder people or the homeless. For most of them, libraries, which are old-fashioned from the youngster's point of view, are the most important place for them to keep up with the world and learn new knowledge. In this sense, it is needed for the local council to reconsider the necessity of a free library, as one of their duty is to ensure every citizen has an equal right to learn. However, it is understandable why some people disagree with the library construction proposal. Apart from libraries, there are many other ways for those vulnerable people to acquire information and knowledge. For example, they can read newspapers, watch TV, and some of them are also free nowadays. Also, it is generally believed that learning is not the most crucial thing for those people, in comparison with establishing free libraries, the improvement of health care and the construction of other welfare infrastructures are obviously more necessary at the moment. And these measures also need a great deal of money and further financial aids. In conclusion, whereas there are many other things needed to give a priority for a town government, the keep the right of reading and learning is still important, and thus, building a free library should be given the same consideration.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views in regard to
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
libraries
are needed
in each town as the Internet is available for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my view, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have freer and cheaper ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves informed, libraries are
still
necessary for a town.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
arguments in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
libraries. The
first
and the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason is, while the Internet has become an essential part of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot access the Internet even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. They are,
in general
, the elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or the homeless. For most of them, libraries, which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned from the youngster's point of view, are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
place for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the world and learn new knowledge. In this sense, it
is needed
for the local council to reconsider the necessity of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
library, as one of their duty is to ensure every citizen has an equal right to learn.

However
, it is understandable why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
disagree with the library construction proposal. Apart from libraries, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other ways for those vulnerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to acquire information and knowledge.
For example
, they can read newspapers,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
nowadays.
Also
, it is
generally
believed that learning is not the most crucial thing for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
in comparison
with establishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
libraries, the improvement of health care and the construction of other welfare infrastructures are
obviously
more necessary at the moment. And these measures
also
need a great deal of money and
further
financial aids.

In conclusion
, whereas there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other things needed to give a priority for a town
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the right of reading and learning is
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, and
thus
, building a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
library should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the same consideration.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Everyone should stay in school until they reach the age of 18. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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