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Nowadays, more and more people are finding out about their family history. Why? Is it a positive or a negative development? v.1

Nowadays, more and more people are finding out about their family history. Why? Is it a positive or a negative development? v. 1
Nowadays, people are showing keen interest in knowing their family heritage. There are various reasons to justify this curiosity. I believe this is a positive trend as it will bring one closer to one’s extended family. Also young people may feel motivated when they learn about the achievements of their ancestors. To begin with, people feel proud when they come to know about the achievements of their forefathers. Another reason to find out the history of one’s ancestors is to find out the family medical history. This may often prove beneficial. For instance, if a person knows that his or her great grandparents had diabetes, then they can take corrective measures to ensure that the disease is not transferred to them or the future generation. In my view, this is a positive development. Due to technology, people can now connect with all the extended members of the family. Hence, by knowing their roots, families have better opportunity to forge closer relationships. Family history also helps the younger generations to get inspired. For example, a young child may get inspired to join the army after they discover that their great grandfather was a freedom fighter. To conclude, I believe knowledge of family roots helps individuals to get inspired and more connected as they come to know more about their extended family. I presume in the near future understanding of family heritage and particularly medical history will help doctors to find cures for diseases more effectively.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are showing keen interest in knowing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
heritage. There are various reasons to justify this curiosity. I believe this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend as it will bring one closer to one’s extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may feel motivated when they learn about the achievements of their ancestors.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel proud when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know about the achievements of their forefathers. Another reason to find out the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of one’s ancestors is to find out the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. This may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
prove beneficial.
For instance
, if a person knows that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
great grandparents had diabetes, then they can take corrective measures to ensure that the disease is not transferred to them or the future generation.

In my view, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development. Due to technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
connect with all the extended members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Hence
, by knowing their roots,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
have better opportunity to forge closer relationships.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the younger generations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
inspired.
For example
, a young child may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
inspired to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the army after they discover that their great grandfather was a freedom fighter.

To conclude
, I believe knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
roots
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
inspired and more connected as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know more about their extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. I presume in the near future understanding of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
heritage and
particularly
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
doctors to find cures for diseases more
effectively
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, more and more people are finding out about their family history. Why? Is it a positive or a negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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