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Nowadays, more and more people are finding out about their family history. Why? is it a positive or negative development? v.2

Nowadays, more and more people are finding out about their family history. Why? is it a positive or negative development? v. 2
In competitive error, getting the job might be depended on higher education or special skill. Some people hold views that teenagers should be promoted to work on special skill by entrepreneur such as automobile workers and builders, whereas others and I strongly supported that young adults should take admission in the university for further study. One one hand, there are several fields they have not needed higher degree or knowledge, although sometimes people should be encouraged by car mechanics and other self-employed to pursue on their skills. For example, Dhirubhai Ambani, co-founder of the Reliance industries, was inspired by petrol pump owner where he was working and then he had invested in textile industry. Lots of the human are continually grown in a working of their interesting area such as sports, marketing and etc. that is why they are achieving their destiny in similar duration of the University graduation. However, I reiterate the other views that post graduations, doctoral programmes and advocate skills should come from the University campus or practicing with others qualified person. To illustrate, Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam had trained more than one aerospace scientists in an ISRO, those who have a PhD degree in aeronautical field. Working with experience mentor and achieving practical knowledge should be raised in the college, even though it must be required qualification degree for the personal growth as well as country's development. In conclusion, if young adult, have a special skill, should be encouraged by self employ, they must be working for society, while teenagers should take part in the university for getting deep knowledge.
In competitive error, getting the job might
be depended
on higher education or special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold views that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should
be promoted
to work on special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
by entrepreneur such as automobile workers and builders, whereas others and I
strongly
supported that young adults should take admission in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
for
further
study.

Possible typo: you repeated a word
One one
hand, there are several fields they have not needed higher degree or knowledge, although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
be encouraged
by car mechanics and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
self-employed to pursue on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dhirubhai
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ambani
, co-founder of the Reliance industries,
was inspired
by petrol pump owner where he was
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
working and
then he had invested in textile industry. Lots of the human are
continually
grown in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
of their interesting area such as sports, marketing
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
that is
why they are achieving their destiny in similar duration of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
graduation.

However
, I reiterate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
views that post graduations, doctoral
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and advocate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
campus or practicing with others qualified person. To illustrate, Dr. APJ Abdul
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kalam
had trained more than one aerospace scientists in an ISRO, those who have a PhD degree in aeronautical field.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
with experience mentor and achieving practical knowledge should
be raised
in the college,
even though
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be required
qualification degree for the personal growth
as well
as country's development.

In conclusion
, if young adult, have a special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
, should
be encouraged
by self employ, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for society, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
for getting deep knowledge.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, more and more people are finding out about their family history. Why? is it a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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