Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Nowadays men’s sports are given far more attention by society compared to women’s sports. What are the reasons for that? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v.1

Nowadays men’s sports are given far more attention by society compared to women’s sports. What are the reasons for that? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v. 1
In recent times, female sporting activities have garnered more lesser attention than that of their male counterparts. The main reason is that, male sport is generally promoted more than females, because they earn more money and they have been around for a longer period. However, in my opinion, this is a negative development because it does not reflect gender equality. To start with, male sports generally get more attention because men sporting activities earn more money than the opposite gender. As a result, they are advertised much more than female sport. Moreover, men sport has the advantage of a significant head start over that of women, therefore men sport has been in the public eye for a longer period. For instance, male soccer has been played publicly for more than 50 years before female started participating; in fact, the first female world cup was held not long ago in 1996. Subsequently, not many people were surprised when male football out earned women's soccer by 5. 9 billion. Furthermore, in my view, this is an occurrence to be proud of because it shows our society still has the problem of gender discrimination. This is due to the long history of systemic restriction (such as females not being allowed to participate in various activities, no freedom of movement and association) place on women. Consequently, this action has an adverse effect on female competitiveness, making them feel as if they are not up to men. For example, 80% of female athletes that stop participating in sports points to the feeling of being inferior as the reason they dropped out. In conclusion, the major reason for male dominance in sports is the fact that it started earlier than female sports, as well as the higher level of promotion due to the fact that men bring significantly more revenue than the opposite sex. In my opinion, this is a negative development, because it shows we still have the serious problems of gender discrimination.
In recent times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
sporting activities have garnered
Use only "lesser" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more lesser
attention than that of their male counterparts. The main reason is that, male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is
generally
promoted more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they earn more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they have been around for a longer period.
However
, in my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it does not reflect gender equality.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more attention
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
sporting activities earn more money than the opposite gender.
As a result
, they
are advertised
much more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
has the advantage of a significant head
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
over that of women,
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
has been in the public eye for a longer period.
For instance
, male soccer has
been played
publicly
for more than 50 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
participating; in fact, the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
world cup
was held
not long ago in 1996.
Subsequently
, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were surprised
when male football out earned women's soccer by 5. 9 billion.

Furthermore
, in my view, this is an occurrence to be proud of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
our society
still
has the problem of gender discrimination. This is due to the long history of systemic restriction (such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
not being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to participate in various activities, no freedom of movement and association) place on women.
Consequently
, this action has an adverse effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
competitiveness, making them feel as if they are not up to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
For example
, 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
athletes that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
points to the feeling of being inferior as the reason they dropped out.

In conclusion
, the major reason for male dominance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is the fact that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
earlier than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
as well
as the higher level of promotion due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
bring
significantly
more revenue than the opposite sex. In my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
we
still
have the serious problems of gender discrimination.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays men’s sports are given far more attention by society compared to women’s sports. What are the reasons for that? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts