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Some people think that women are generally more peaceful than men as their characters are naturally more nurturing than aggressive. To what extent do you agree/disagree. v.3

Some people think that women are generally more peaceful than men as their characters are naturally more nurturing than aggressive. v. 3
In the sophisticated era, women play a cardinal role in the life of every person because they work equally like men in every profession. According to the some women are more calm and they possessed good personality. Also, they are more upbringing than men. I am personally inclined to agree with the statement that women are peaceful as compared to men. This essay will elaborate the possible reasons behind it in the subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, women are participating equally in all professions like as men such as doctor, police force, business, and movies. They have a great role in everyone's heart. Furthermore, they have umpteen responsibility, they have to work as a mother, daughter and a wife. Women always supporting for social news and always stay active in society site. Hence, there is a significant role of women in the activity of every person and they should be helped to the citizens in any good or bad situation. Women are more peaceful and better personality than men, because most of the men like to introvert in themselves and they always like to do indoor activities instead of involving in any other social activities. They mostly enjoy indoor activities. Such as, watching television, listen to music and playing some video games. However, women always decide to do each and every task in their life and they prefer outdoor activities and want to become extrovert. They have a plethora of obligation, but they do not lose their temper easily. Thus, women have good characters because they are extrovert and multitasking. To recapitulate, it is said that women have a lot of will power as a result, they handle every situation in their life. A woman is considered as the backbone of the man.
In the sophisticated era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
play a cardinal role in the life of every person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they work
equally
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in every profession. According to the
Did you mean "same"?
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
calm and
they possessed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
personality.
Also
, they are more upbringing than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. I am
personally
inclined to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are peaceful as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. This essay will elaborate the possible reasons behind it in the subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are participating
equally
in all professions like as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
such as doctor, police force, business, and movies. They have a great role in everyone's heart.
Furthermore
, they have umpteen responsibility, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work as a mother, daughter and a wife.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
always supporting for social news and always stay active in society site.
Hence
, there is a significant role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
of every
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
person and
they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to the citizens in any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situation.

Women are more peaceful and better personality than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
like to introvert in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
themselves and
they always like to do indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
instead
of involving in any other social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. They
mostly
enjoy indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Such as, watching television, listen to music and playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
video games.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
always decide to do each and every task in their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they prefer outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and want to become extrovert. They have a plethora of obligation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do not lose their temper
easily
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
characters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are extrovert and multitasking.

To recapitulate, it
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
will power
as a result
, they handle every situation in their life. A woman
is considered
as the backbone of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Some people think that women are generally more peaceful than men as their characters are naturally more nurturing than aggressive. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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