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Nowadays many young people leave home at an early age to either study or work in a city. Why do you think they move to cities? Do you think this has more advantages or disadvantages for young people? v.1

Nowadays many young people leave home at an early age to either study or work in a city. Why do you think they move to cities? Do you think this has more advantages or disadvantages for young people? v. 1
Urban areas offer better education, job opportunities and a better standard of living. This is why the influx of people in cities is ever increasing and young people mostly move to cities, away from their families, to pursue a better education and to have a job. Though there are many advantages of this trend, negative sides are also there. To begin with, the young generation has to move to cities to get admitted into better colleges or universities. It is evident that cities have more specialised universities while rural areas scarcely have the facilities these educational establishments can offer. This is why parents want their children to study in a college in a city rather than in a village. Moreover, jobs, business opportunities, living standard, health care and technological advancements often bound educated young to move to urban areas rather than staying in their hometown. For instance, an IT professional has almost no chances of having a job in a remote area while there are plenty of opportunities for this person in a city. I believe that there are more advantages of this trend though the negative consequences should also be considered. First of all, only a handful of youth would be able to start a career in the village area and most of them would eventually be forced to move. This is because the opportunity and facilities in cities are more than that of rural areas. Unless the government create new job opportunities for the educated young in rural areas, forcing them to stay there would be a terrible idea. On the contrary, if everyone moves to the cities, the rural areas will always remain underdeveloped and would lack the talented entrepreneurs. This would also increase the population density and pollution in city areas. In conclusion, some professionals, like doctors should be encouraged to work in rural areas while professionals like a software developer should stay in the city. However, the government should take initiatives to build new offices and factories in rural areas so that young people can work and stay there.
Urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
education,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
standard of living. This is why the influx of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ever increasing
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, away from their families, to pursue a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
education and to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Though there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of this trend,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides are
also
there.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admitted into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
colleges or universities. It is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have more
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialised' is British English.
specialised
universities while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
scarcely
have the facilities these educational establishments can offer. This is why parents want their children to study in a college in a city
rather
than in a village.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
, living standard, health care and technological advancements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
bound educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
rather
than staying in their hometown.
For instance
, an IT professional has almost no chances of having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in a remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
for this person in a city.

I believe that there are more advantages of this trend though the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences should
also
be considered
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a handful of youth would be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a career in the village
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
and most of them would
eventually
be forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
and facilities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are more than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. Unless the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
create new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
for the educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, forcing them to stay there would be a terrible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
On the contrary
, if everyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moves
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
will always remain underdeveloped and would lack the talented entrepreneurs. This would
also
increase the population density and pollution in city areas.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professionals, like doctors should
be encouraged
to work in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
while professionals like a software developer should stay in the city.
However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take initiatives to build new offices and factories in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can work and stay there.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Nowadays many young people leave home at an early age to either study or work in a city. Why do you think they move to cities? Do you think this has more advantages or disadvantages for young people? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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