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Nowadays many people work from home. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation in particular and of technologically advanced society in general. v.3

Nowadays many people work from home. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation in particular and of technologically advanced society in general. v. 3
The use of surveillance cameras as crime deterrence is indeed being increased in many places around the world. Although some argue that these measures violate people’s privacy, I believe that the beneficial effects of increasing security using video cameras do outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand, the use of security cameras is considered an invasion of privacy. Whether they are walking down the street, driving in their car or hanging out with friends, they are being monitored with cameras placed in public. This makes some people feel uncomfortable knowing that they are watched by someone. Moreover, it is not possible to completely protect public security systems from hackers. The value of CCTV information has increased, resulting in a higher risk from hackers which lead to privacy issues, such as images captured by CCTV distributed across the Internet. On the other hand, I believe that using surveillance cameras is a positive measure. Catching criminals is one of the best benefits of security cameras in public places. If a crime is committed in an area where a public surveillance camera has been set up, the chances of catching the criminal are much higher. Besides, using video cameras is to crime reduction by deterring potential criminals. For example, petty criminals such as shoplifters or pickpockets are less likely to commit crimes if they know that they are being watched. Since public safety is guaranteed, people’s fear of crime can also be reduced, while their sense of security is created. In conclusion, I can understand why some people think that CCTV restrict their privacy, but it seems to me that this brings more benefits than drawbacks.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of surveillance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
deterrence is
indeed
being increased
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places around the world. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that these measures violate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
privacy, I believe that the beneficial effects of increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
using video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
do outweigh the disadvantages.

On the one hand, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
is considered
an invasion of privacy. Whether they are walking down the street, driving in their car or hanging out with friends, they are
being monitored
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
placed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel uncomfortable knowing that they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
by someone.
Moreover
, it is not possible to completely protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
systems from hackers. The value of CCTV information has increased, resulting in a higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
from hackers which lead to privacy issues, such as images captured by CCTV distributed across the Internet.

On the other hand
, I believe that using surveillance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
measure. Catching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
is one of the best benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is committed
in an area where a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
surveillance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
has
been set
up, the chances of catching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
are much higher.
Besides
, using video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
reduction by deterring potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
.
For example
, petty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
such as shoplifters or pickpockets are less likely to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
if they know that they are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
safety
is guaranteed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
fear of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
, while their sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
is created
.

In conclusion
, I can understand why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that CCTV restrict their privacy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it seems to me that this brings more benefits than drawbacks.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays many people work from home. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation in particular and of technologically advanced society in general. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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