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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v.13

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 13
It had recently argued that the number of younger people in some countries is higher than the older people. Although it is believed such increase will boom the economy and flourish in the country due to the interfering of youth in employment, others believe that it will harm the country’s infrastructure such as education and health sectors. On the one hand, many economical experts believe that the rising number of youth will have a greater impact within a country. Such rise will lead to improve many sectors, such as: water, health and technology, as many fresh graduates will compete to get the desired job. Moreover, each graduate will give a motivated idea that leads to flourishing the country. For instance, China is struggling from the large number of its population, its government had made a competition last year, especially for youth In order to solve the pollution problem. Consequently, many young people were attending this contest and providing the government with many solutions that had been used later by the government. On the other hand, it is believed by some that universities will not be able to have such tremendous number of youths at classes. Therefore, this will harm the educational process as not less than 100 students will be attending in one class. Moreover, the pressure will be more on hospitals by such people as the number of doctors is declining. For example, China again had been countering a severe increase in the number of youth and admitted that not everyone could have the health insurance, so their government decided to sit a rule that every couple should not born more than one child. To conclude, although higher number of youth will lead to a successful economy, it is believed that such successful will have its obstacles. And thus the main problems would be summarized in the squeezing on health institutions and schools.
It had recently argued that the
number
of younger
people
in
some
countries
is higher than the older
people
. Although it
is believed
such increase will boom the economy and flourish in the
country
due to the interfering of
youth
in employment, others believe that it will harm the
country’s
infrastructure such as education and
health
sectors.

On the one hand,
many
economical experts believe that the rising
number
of
youth
will have a greater impact within a
country
. Such rise will lead to
improve
many
sectors, such as: water,
health
and technology, as
many
fresh graduates will compete to
get
the desired job.
Moreover
, each graduate will give a motivated
idea
that leads to flourishing the
country
.
For instance
, China is struggling from the large
number
of its population, its
government
had made a competition last year,
especially
for
youth
In order to solve the pollution problem.
Consequently
,
many
young
people
were attending this contest and providing the
government
with
many
solutions that had been
used
later by the
government
.

On the other hand
, it
is believed
by
some
that universities will not be able to have such tremendous
number
of youths at classes.
Therefore
, this will harm the educational process as not less than 100 students will be attending in one
class
.
Moreover
, the pressure will be more on hospitals by such
people
as the
number
of doctors is declining.
For example
, China again had been countering a severe increase in the
number
of
youth
and admitted that not everyone could have the
health
insurance,
so
their
government
decided to sit a
rule
that every couple should not born more than one child.

To conclude
, although higher
number
of
youth
will lead to a successful economy, it
is believed
that such successful will have its obstacles. And
thus
the main problems would
be summarized
in the squeezing on
health
institutions and schools.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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