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Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games what are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimise the bad effects? v.5

Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games what are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimise the bad effects? v. 5
In contemporary times, most people are familiar with computers on a large scale and a colossal number of kids play computer games. These games have various detrimental effects. However, to tackle its negative results, there are some measures or solutions to this problem. Nowadays, computer games have been widely played by children, which have an unfavourable influence on physical health, academic performance and psychological. Firstly, it harms the vision of eyes by continuing playing for a long duration. Secondly, due to spending excessive time on these games, an individual is not able to give adequate time for studies which results under performance in academics. Moreover, when a person spends most of his time on the computer, his family relations may also affect, due to detachment with loved ones. Lastly, mostly these games have violent content and are usually based on the story of criminal personality. Consequently, youngsters often try to act or copy these criminals' scenes which lead to illegal activities as well as may cause physical injury to a performer and society. Although, there are ample number of harmful effects, whereas with the assistance of parents and government initiatives, this challenge could be resolved. Parents should encourage their kids towards other recreational activities and spread awareness about the disadvantages of computer games. Governments can also play a vital role in their citizens' development by legislating stringent laws and inspire them towards sports activities. For example, games which are based on violence should be banned on the internet or in the market and physical sports should be incentivized by organising local sports events. These types of efforts would decrease interest or the addiction of video games to the younger generation. Overall, it seems advisable that virtual games should be played for a little fun. If it is used in excessive forms, it would have a negative influence on the personality in the form of bodily, mentally and socially.
In contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are familiar with computers on a large scale and a colossal number of kids play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have various detrimental effects.
However
, to tackle its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
results, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures or solutions to this problem.

Nowadays, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have been
widely
played by children, which have an
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
influence on physical health, academic performance and psychological.
Firstly
, it harms the vision of eyes by continuing playing for a long duration.
Secondly
, due to spending excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, an individual is not able to give adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for studies which results under performance in academics.
Moreover
, when a person spends most of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the computer, his family relations may
also
affect, due to detachment with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.
Lastly
,
mostly
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have violent content and are
usually
based on the story of criminal personality.
Consequently
, youngsters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
try to act or copy these criminals' scenes which lead to illegal activities
as well
as may cause physical injury to a performer and society.

Although, there are ample number of harmful effects, whereas with the assistance of parents and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
initiatives, this challenge could
be resolved
. Parents should encourage their kids towards other recreational activities and spread awareness about the disadvantages of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
can
also
play a vital role in their citizens' development by legislating stringent laws and inspire them towards sports activities.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which
are based
on violence should
be banned
on the internet or in the market and physical sports should
be incentivized
by
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
local sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. These types of efforts would decrease interest or the addiction of video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
to the younger generation.
Overall
, it seems advisable that virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
should
be played
for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
fun. If it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in excessive forms, it would have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on the personality in the form of
bodily
, mentally and
socially
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games what are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimise the bad effects? v. 5

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
318 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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