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All children should be given a free laptop when they start high school. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

All children should be given a free laptop when they start high school. v. 1
Some believe that every pupil entering secondary school should be gifted a free of charge laptop. I disagree with this because some children can afford to buy their own and the government cannot afford to do so. Those from wealthy families should not be given a complimentary computer. This would not be fair as this would result in money being taken away from poorer juveniles to give it to people who already have enough. If this proposed scheme was done on a means-tested basis, rich kids would not get anything and this capital could be diverted to those in more need. For example, in the United Kingdom, children whose parents are on state benefits receive subsidised school dinners but those with working parents do not. The state would also find it extremely difficult to finance such an initiative. The Education Department, like every other government department, has a limited budget, and if funds were spent on laptops, they would have to be diverted from other more worthy areas, such as staff. This would mean that class sizes would have to increase since the budget would not be available for teachers, or even the classrooms themselves. For instance, most classes in developed countries have more than 30 in them because of the lack of budget for qualified teachers and teaching assistants. In conclusion, all freshmen starting high school should not be given a free laptop because this would not be fair on poorer students and there is not enough money for this project.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that every pupil entering secondary school should
be gifted
The phrase 'a free of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a free of
charge laptop. I disagree with this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children can afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
cannot afford to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

Those from wealthy families should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a complimentary

computer. This would not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
as this would result in money
being taken
away from poorer juveniles to give it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who already have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. If this proposed scheme
was done
on a means-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
basis, rich kids would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
anything and this capital could
be diverted
to those in more need.
For example
, in the United Kingdom, children whose parents are on state benefits receive
Possible spelling mistake. 'subsidised' is British English.
subsidised
school dinners
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
those with working parents do not.

The state would
also
find it
extremely
difficult to finance such an initiative. The Education Department, like every other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
department, has a limited budget, and if funds
were spent
on laptops, they would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be diverted
from other more worthy areas, such as staff. This would mean that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
sizes would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
increase since the budget would not be available for teachers, or even the classrooms themselves.
For instance
, most classes in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
have more than 30 in them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of budget for qualified teachers and teaching assistants.

In conclusion
, all freshmen starting high school should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a free laptop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this would not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
on poorer students and there is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money for this project.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay All children should be given a free laptop when they start high school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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