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Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects? . v.6

Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects? . v. 6
Access to *information technology* has increased significantly over recent decades, and the *youth* playing games on *gadgets* has *led to it's overuse* *as well*. The main problem this *has caused* is violence, and the most viable solution is a public awareness campaign warning parents about the dangers of *spending* their time on games. The problem associated with the increased use of computer games is related to the violence factor they contain. Because, most of the games are rewarded for being intense, and this violence is increased again and again. This may lead to aggressive feelings, thoughts and behavior among them. For example, a recent government survey found that 82% parents find a very possessive behavior among their children who are spending much of their time on games. To tackle this problem, the government should launch a publicity campaign in the media and schools to educate the dangers of using computer games. Additionally, parents need to take specific steps to avoid this. Furthermore, Games should be rated according to their content, so, parents should check this and ensure these children are not allowed to have access to unsuitable games. Even, They can set a limit on the length to play these games. An awareness campaign could shed some light on this challenging situation, and allow parents to be more open and honest about it. For instance, A similar initiative in Japan resulted in a 52% decrease in children's violent behavior because of parental support. To conclude, spending more time on computer games is a significant issue that can result in children's bad behaviour. However, it can be addressed through educating their parents about the possible dangers.
Access to *information technology* has increased
significantly
over recent decades, and the *youth* playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on *gadgets* has *led to it's overuse* *as wel
Replace by the typographical symbol.
l*.
The main problem this *has caused* is violence, and the most viable solution is a public awareness campaign warning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of *spending* their time on games.

The problem associated with the increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is related
to the violence factor they contain.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are rewarded
for being intense, and this violence
is increased
again and again. This may lead to aggressive feelings, thoughts and behavior among them.
For example
, a recent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
survey found that 82%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
find a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
possessive behavior among their children who are spending much of their time on games.

To tackle this problem, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should launch a publicity campaign in the media and schools to educate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of using computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to take specific steps to avoid this.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
should
be rated
according to their content,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
this and ensure these children are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to have access to unsuitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Even, They can set a limit on the length to play these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. An awareness campaign could shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on this challenging situation, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to be more open and honest about it.
For instance
, A similar initiative in Japan resulted in a 52% decrease in children's violent behavior
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of parental support.

To conclude
, spending more time on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is a significant issue that can result in children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
However
, it can
be addressed
through educating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
about the possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects? . v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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