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Nowadays many people choose to self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be a case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v.1

Nowadays many people choose to self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be a case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v. 1
Over the years, industrial production has risen to cater the needs of a growing population across the globe. Some believe, it has helped in reducing poverty owing to the large number of employment opportunities it creates, while few think industrial activities have affected the environment through various types of pollutions. The Industrial sector has contributed a lot of labour market. Firstly, preference is given to locals which cuts down the unemployment rate of a country. Secondly, people with limited skills and less education can also work with these industries by doing physical labour work. Thirdly, skilled people do not have to leave their home country in search of jobs. Lastly, wages are paid to everyone as per government rules, thus removing room for any labour exploitation. For instance, France government has made it compulsory for new businesses to hire 45% of their local staff in order to strike a perfect balance in their economic and public welfare. Therefore, flourishing industries tend to contribute to the growth of locals and the country's economy On the other hand, it is widely believed that heavy commercial activities has disturbed our surroundings. Toxic gases emitted from these factories are root cause of air pollution. Waste chemicals are released into water bodies depleting the quality of water and affecting our marine wealth considerably. Number of trees are cut down, for these units to set up in the outskirts of the city. For example, the city of Shanghai had to shut all their factories for a day in order to reduce the toxic fog created due to air emissions from them. Hence, it is evident that these industrial activities play a pivotal role in harming our habitat through numerous ways. In my opinion, our atmosphere is widely affected due to industrial growth. Although, it prospers an individual by providing wages to fulfil their basic needs, it also puts their life at stake by exposing them to such hazardous ecosystem. Local councils should approve constructions of such units, only after analysing their waste disposal system and recycling process. Periodic and surprise audits should be carried out by officials to ascertain any wrong doings that can harm our ecosystem. Over the course of the time, our ecosystem will not remain a place to survive for our future generations. To conclude, although industries provide livelihood for locals, it also affects environment they live in to a great extent. Currently, the whole world is facing environmental degradation and it is crucial for countries to unite and bring about some universal industrial practises which not only benefits citizens but also takes care of our environment.
Over the years,
industrial
production has risen to cater the needs of a growing population across the globe.
Some
believe, it has
helped
in reducing poverty owing to the large number of employment opportunities it creates, while few
think
industrial
activities have
affected
the environment through various types of pollutions.

The
Industrial
sector has contributed
a lot of
labour
market.
Firstly
, preference is
given
to
locals
which
cuts
down the unemployment rate of a country.
Secondly
,
people
with limited
skills
and less education can
also
work with these industries by doing physical
labour
work.
Thirdly
, skilled
people
do not
have to
leave
their home country in search of jobs.
Lastly
, wages
are paid
to everyone as per
government
rules
,
thus
removing room for any
labour
exploitation.
For instance
, France
government
has made it compulsory for new businesses to hire 45% of their
local
staff in order to strike a perfect balance in their economic and public welfare.
Therefore
, flourishing industries tend to contribute to the growth of
locals
and the country's economy

On the other hand
, it is
widely
believed that heavy commercial activities has disturbed our surroundings. Toxic gases emitted from these factories are root cause of air pollution. Waste chemicals
are released
into water bodies depleting the quality of water and affecting our marine wealth
considerably
. Number of trees are
cut
down, for these units to set up in the outskirts of the city.
For example
, the city of Shanghai had to shut all their factories for a day in order to
reduce
the toxic fog created due to air emissions from them.
Hence
, it is evident that these
industrial
activities play a pivotal role in harming our habitat through numerous ways.

In my opinion, our atmosphere is
widely
affected
due to
industrial
growth. Although, it prospers an individual by providing wages to fulfil their basic needs, it
also
puts their
life
at stake by exposing them to such hazardous ecosystem.
Local
councils should approve constructions of such units,
only
after
analysing
their waste disposal system and recycling process. Periodic and surprise audits should
be carried
out by officials to ascertain any
wrong
doings that can harm our ecosystem. Over the course of the time, our ecosystem will not remain a place to survive for our future generations.

To conclude
, although industries provide livelihood for
locals
, it
also
affects environment they
live
in to a great extent.
Currently
, the whole world is facing environmental degradation and it is crucial for countries to unite and bring about
some
universal
industrial
practises
which not
only
benefits citizens
but
also
takes care of our environment.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays many people choose to self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be a case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
434 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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