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Many developing countries are currently expanding their tourist industries. Why is this the case? Is it a positive development? v.3

Many developing countries are currently expanding their tourist industries. Why is this the case? Is it a positive development? v. 3
It is thought that numerous developing nations are now increasing their tourist industries. In my opinion, I believe that it is a positive development. On the one hand, there are several reasons why many developing nations are currently boosting their tourist industries. The first reason is a sense of adventure, of some people. People normally have a desire to explore places, tourist attractions, and beaches to which they have never travelled, and the development of tourist industry results. Secondly, developing countries are able to advertise their own cultures and introduce their nations to people around the globe through the development of tourist industries. Tourism is one of the most effective methods of rendering other people, especially foreigners, impressed by their countries due to the fact that people ordinarily love beautiful and attractive places which urge people to have a stronger and a better impression about their countries. On the other hand, I also think that expanding tourist industry is a positive development. In the first place, boosting tourist industries is liable to bring much money to developing nations. Because of a sense of adventure, many people around the world long to come to other countries. The more ascend the number of travellers becomes, the higher the profit on tourism are. In the second place, the developer can create jobs for residents of their countries. When developing countries are planning to expand tourism industries, they are likely to require more labour, which is beneficial to not only residents but also governments, since the number of people undergoing unemployment decreases. In conclusion, I believe that expanding the development of tourist industries is positivity.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that numerous
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developing
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nations
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
increasing their
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tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
. In my opinion, I believe that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are
currently
boosting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
. The
first
reason is a sense of adventure, of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
normally
have a desire to explore
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places
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
attractions, and beaches to which they have never travelled, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
results.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are able to advertise their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cultures and introduce their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the globe through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
. Tourism is one of the most effective methods of rendering other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
foreigners, impressed by their
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countries
due to the fact that
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people
ordinarily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and attractive
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places
which urge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a stronger and a better impression about their countries.

On the other hand
, I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that expanding
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tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. In the
first
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place
, boosting
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tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
is liable to bring much money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of a sense of adventure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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people
around the world long to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to other
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countries
. The more ascend the number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
becomes, the higher the profit on tourism are. In the second
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place
, the developer can create jobs for residents of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are planning to expand tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
, they are likely to require more
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
, which is beneficial to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
residents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
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governments
, since the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
undergoing unemployment decreases.

In conclusion
, I believe that expanding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
is positivity.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay Many developing countries are currently expanding their tourist industries. Why is this the case? Is it a positive development? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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