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As a result of growth in some urban centers, the environment in those cities is deteriorating. How could this issue be tackled by both the government and individuals? v.3

As a result of growth in some urban centers, the environment in those cities is deteriorating. How could this issue be tackled by both the government and individuals? v. 3
In modern society, devastating of the environment in the city is one of the most considerable issues and how we all human beings protect it is always controversial. In this essay, I shall suggest how the government and people should keep the environment. To begin with, there are many ways to discuss this environmental topic. In my opinion, the easiest method that people can do individually is that they can avoid driving the car. The air pollution is the most serious environmental issue in the city and its cause is mostly the car's emission. In fact, researchers argue that if people completely stop utilizing the car, greenhouse gas will be cut down by 40 per cent and air pollution will be much alleviated. And also, this environmental issue will increase the number of people who suffer from pulmonary diseases such as asthma and lung cancer. Therefore, I believe that the most effective way to keep the environment individually is that people decrease the use of the car which emits harmful gas such as CO2. Secondly, what the government can do is that they should secure more expenses and subsidize the company or organization which help to improve the environmental problem. For example, in Japan, the government spends money on the car industry to encourage them to positively invent the environmentally friendly car such as the powered by electricity and this project has made a significant progress thanks to the governmental support. In conclusion, in this essay, I discussed what the government and people can do to conserve the environment. In my opinion, the decrease in the usage of the car which produces harmful gas is the most effective measure that both government and people can do.
In modern society, devastating of the environment in the city is one of the most considerable issues and how we all human beings protect it is always controversial. In this essay, I shall suggest how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the environment.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to discuss this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
topic. In my opinion, the easiest method that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do
individually
is that they can avoid driving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
. The air pollution is the most serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
issue in the city and its cause is
mostly
the car's emission. In fact, researchers argue that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
utilizing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
, greenhouse gas will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down by 40 per cent and air pollution will be much alleviated. And
also
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
issue will increase the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who suffer from pulmonary diseases such as asthma and lung cancer.
Therefore
, I believe that the most effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the environment
individually
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decrease the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
which emits harmful gas such as CO2.

Secondly
, what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can do is that they should secure more expenses and subsidize the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or organization which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
problem.
For example
, in Japan, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spends money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
industry to encourage them to
positively
invent the
environmentally
friendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
such as the powered by electricity and this project has made
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "significant progress".
a significant progress
thanks to the governmental support.

In conclusion
, in this essay, I discussed what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do to conserve the environment. In my opinion, the decrease in the usage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
which produces harmful gas is the most effective measure that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay As a result of growth in some urban centers, the environment in those cities is deteriorating. How could this issue be tackled by both the government and individuals? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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