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Nowadays, many people buy things excessively. Why? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Nowadays, many people buy things excessively. Why? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
Nowadays, consumerism has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this trend is not without disadvantages, the downsides will justify these. On the one hand, consumerism, which has seen as an unstoppable rise, offers a number of benefits. First, since mass production is significantly growing from this trend, job opportunities are created for everyone more than ever. In fact, professions, such as office work or manual work, from factories and companies are available, helping people, especially the poor, access to employment to increase their income. Second, by going shopping at a frequent level, people can increase their living standards. This means that those with regular income, whether average or high, have a desire to make their families fully equipped or to help them satisfy their shopping needs, leading to higher levels of happiness. Moreover, consumerism brings hosts of beneficial impacts on the physical and mental health of humans. First, in order to relieve your stress level, you could have social interaction with people when you go shopping. For example, children who are facing a negative situation should hang out with their friends or collaborates and go shopping, which does significant treatment for their stressful mind. Second, by going supermarket run, our housewives could enhance their physical ability. This means that hunting for deals and bargains from one store to the next while carrying heavy bags could be a good workout for their muscles, which does wonders for ladies’ physical health. In conclusion, buying things is not that negative. By controlling their shopping habits, people could devote not only to their personal life but also to the local economy.
Nowadays, consumerism has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this trend is not without disadvantages, the downsides will justify these.

On the one hand, consumerism, which has
seen
as an unstoppable rise, offers a number of benefits.
First
, since mass production is
significantly
growing from this trend, job opportunities
are created
for everyone more than ever. In fact, professions, such as office work or manual work, from factories and
companies
are available, helping
people
,
especially
the poor, access to employment to increase their income. Second, by going
shopping
at a frequent level,
people
can increase their living standards. This means that those with regular income, whether average or high, have a desire to
make
their families
fully
equipped or to
help
them satisfy their
shopping
needs, leading to higher levels of happiness.

Moreover
, consumerism brings hosts of beneficial impacts on the physical and mental health of humans.
First
, in order to relieve your
stress
level, you could have social interaction with
people
when you go
shopping
.
For example
, children who are facing a
negative
situation should hang out with their friends or collaborates and go
shopping
, which does significant treatment for their stressful mind. Second, by going supermarket run, our housewives could enhance their physical ability. This means that hunting for deals and bargains from one store to the
next
while carrying heavy bags could be a
good
workout for their muscles, which does wonders for ladies’ physical health.

In conclusion
, buying things is not that
negative
. By controlling their
shopping
habits,
people
could devote not
only
to their personal life
but
also
to the local economy.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, many people buy things excessively. Why? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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