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Nowadays many people believe that children should be tought history in schools however others argue that children should learn subjects that are more helpful for modern everyday life. Discuss both point of views and give your opinion. v.1

Nowadays many people believe that children should be tought history in schools however others argue that children should learn subjects that are more helpful for modern everyday life. v. 1
Money is the guarantee to fulfil dreams and it insures the possibility of satisfying any future desire. The role of lucrative salary packages in job satisfaction is widely debated, with several people claiming that money is not the only panacea for happiness at work. In my opinion, this apprehension is unwarranted and so should be rejected. There is a deluge of arguments in the favour of my stance. To commence, a majority of people relate success in life with the level of lifestyle one can maintain. Heavy packages cannot only contribute to fulfilling their desire of successful life, but also lead to a sense of accomplishment. Besides, this is also true that it directly relates to one’s status and power in society. To illustrate, kids with expensive toys are usually found to be the leader of their group and have many friends following them. Needless to say, all these merits stand heavy payslips in good stead as far as augmenting prosperity and excellence is concerned. Another overt facet of the opinion is that there is a section of society for which earning is the only way out to meet basic needs. Further, not only can high income helps them in upbringing of their families, but it can also uplift their generations and thus brings paramount pleasure on the job. Sad but true, they are not choosers. Most of the population below the poverty line has no choice of job profile, but, earning more wages is the supreme goal of their life. Hence, it is apparent that why most will be in favour of the viewpoint. Lastly, in conclusion, one can conclude that the reasons like desire of high class lifestyle, power, social status and need to earn bread and butter are logically accepted and justify why advantages of having higher remunerations automatically brings extreme fulfilment and is definitely an accepted fact/trend.
Money is the guarantee to fulfil dreams and it insures the possibility of satisfying any future desire. The role of lucrative salary packages in job satisfaction is
widely
debated, with several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claiming that money is not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
panacea for happiness at work. In my opinion, this apprehension
is unwarranted
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
should
be rejected
.

There is a deluge of arguments in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of my stance. To commence, a majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
relate success in life with the level of lifestyle one can maintain. Heavy packages cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
contribute to fulfilling their desire of successful life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
lead to a sense of accomplishment.
Besides
, this is
also
true that it
directly
relates to one’s status and power in society. To illustrate, kids with expensive toys are
usually
found to be the leader of their group and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
friends following them. Needless to say, all these merits stand heavy payslips in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
stead as far as augmenting prosperity and excellence
is concerned
.

Another overt facet of the opinion is that there is a section of society for which earning is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
way out to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
basic needs.
Further
, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
can high income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in upbringing of their families,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
also
uplift their generations and
thus
brings paramount pleasure on the job. Sad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
true, they are not choosers. Most of the population below the poverty line has no choice of job profile,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, earning more wages is the supreme goal of their life.
Hence
, it is apparent that why most will be in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the viewpoint.

Lastly
,
in conclusion
, one can conclude that the reasons like desire of high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
lifestyle, power, social status and need to earn bread and butter are
logically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
and justify why advantages of having higher remunerations
automatically
brings extreme
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
and is definitely an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
fact/trend.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Nowadays many people believe that children should be tought history in schools however others argue that children should learn subjects that are more helpful for modern everyday life. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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