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The graph below shows the acid level from consumption of sugar, honey. eating sweet produce acid in the mouth which can tooth decay v.1

The graph below shows the acid level from consumption of sugar, honey. eating sweet produce acid in the mouth which can tooth decay v. 1
In recent days, the approach of being free to work or live any place around the globe has risen in popularity due to the technological advancements and transportation. This essay will highlight the benefits and drawback that result from this switch. To begin with the positives, a crucial advantage that people have as a form of being freedom is that the time efficiency. This is because the life in these days has been easier than ever before due to the technological improvements and having a better quality in transportation than that in the 18th or 19th century. For instance, aircrafts had made the transportation more convenient to people, thus they need only to buy a ticket to be on the other side of the world within a few hours. Besides reducing time, being free also usually requires less efforts at work. To illustrate, following the workflow is implemented by a laptop, an employee needs only to switch on the device and send an email despite being far away from work or in a vacation. Nevertheless, this technological revolution usually does present some problems. Ships and planes, for example, emit the Carbon Dioxide gas, which often harm the habitats and well-beings. Therefore, the earth is suffering from such gases and harmful emits, which can be resulted in the devoured fires that hit many Australian cities in the beginning of this year. Another significant disadvantage of this switch is that such advancements lead to a depression to many people. For instance, scientists have announced that sometimes technology will play a negative role on people’s immune system which lead to the feeling of being frustrated. To conclude, although freedom is beneficial in terms of improving efficiency and less efforts, it is important to consider that it harms some of people’s bodies which can be resulted in stress, and having a negative impact on the earth.
In recent days, the approach of being free to work or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
any place around the globe has risen in popularity due to the technological advancements and transportation. This essay will highlight the benefits and drawback that result from this switch.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the positives, a crucial advantage that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have as a form of being freedom is that the time efficiency. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the life in these days has been easier than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
due to the technological improvements and having a better quality in transportation than that in the 18th or 19th century.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "aircraft", the plural form of the noun 'aircraft'?
aircrafts had
made the transportation more convenient to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
thus
they need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a ticket to be on the other side of the world within a few hours.
Besides
reducing time, being free
also
usually
requires
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun efforts is countable.
less
efforts at work. To illustrate, following the workflow
is implemented
by a laptop, an employee needs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to switch on the device and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
an email despite being far away from work or in a vacation.

Nevertheless
, this technological revolution
usually
does present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems. Ships and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
,
for example
, emit the Carbon Dioxide gas, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
harm the habitats and well-beings.
Therefore
, the earth is suffering from such gases and harmful emits, which can
be resulted
in the devoured fires that hit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Australian cities in the beginning of this year. Another significant disadvantage of this switch is that such advancements lead to a depression to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, scientists have announced that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
technology will play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
role on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
immune system which lead to the feeling of
being frustrated
.

To conclude
, although freedom is beneficial in terms of improving efficiency and
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun efforts is countable.
less
efforts, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider that it harms
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
bodies which can
be resulted
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, and having a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the earth.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph below shows the acid level from consumption of sugar, honey. eating sweet produce acid in the mouth which can tooth decay v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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